crayzydayzy
Let me tell you all about the only one I've ever loved.
His name is not important. In fact, I spent years refusing to say his name. To do so meant to give a realness to it, a clarity that I'm still not sure I'm ready to own. I've returned to the old comfort of referring to him by the numbers in my phone, plus-one-ten-digits that rewired my brain, my body, my life.
The boy you are about to meet is now my husband. We have two beautiful children together, the births of which almost killed me. I should indeed be dead by now; were it not for the precocious midnight antics of my oldest son, I would not be here to tell you all about him.
But you see, I'm having trouble processing what happened to me. I'm having trouble staring into his eyes and not feeling the immense weight of the last fifteen years crashing down on me. Drowning me with metanarratives and memories.
It hurts to write; but it helps to remember.
These are my diary entries from 2009 to 2010, Year 1 of our stupidly messy saga.
I don't know how long I can keep this up, but this little book was already written nearly fifteen years ago. I thought the least I could do is share it. Maybe reading through it will help me, I thought. Maybe sharing it with you will help me even more.
This book is not just based on a true story; it *is* the story of the man I've come to marry, the Tate to my Violet, my longest-running autistic special interest, my high school sweetheart, my soul's first love, my Imzadi, my only friend.
My synonym of fate.
This is the Hopelessly Sentimental Romantic, Year 1: 2009 to 2010.