welp, been over a year and a half since I had written you a message hunter, and I must admit, my mindset has changed since then as well. y'know, I can see my immaturity and faults way more clearly now.
had to learn the hard way somehow right? that's what I learned, and as strange as it sounds. not dwelling on the past 24/7. and quelling my rage and hatred with reminding myself to never hold grudges on those around me, took some hospitalization visits, and a residential program for 6 years, constant nagging from family members about other unrelated things, and my dad choking me a long with barely escaping with my life from him. I understand it now.
I understand what you've been through, reading your YouTube profile, and seeing the updates you've put on it, I admit. i'm impressed that you've managed to surround yourself only with a group of people you know will truly support you and not leave you like I did long ago.
but my last message I sent you here a year and a half ago? I showed a lot of sorrow but nothing to actually quell it or show that I was truly sorry, can only be a true man of my word if I own up to my mistakes. now I understand you may want nothing to do with me after all I've done to you and caused you, but truthfully, I've thought about you every single day, even if its just 1 imaginative thought of you in it, its been thought, almost 1000 days or 3 years gone by, tried to not get up my hopes of you unblocking me and saying you'd give me another chance despite trying to put that thought in my head over and over again.
but I needed this time to become healthy in my mind. you said it yourself "I don't need a kid who constantly thinks about death and destruction every day." and you were right in that assessment, what you needed was. a friend to be trusted, someone who wouldn't betray you. and despite my promises I failed to provide that, but if you do ever see this message. i'm willing too become that person you need, and on whatever conditions you set
