The Woman With Snakes in Her Hair

The Truth Will Set You Free

I could see the gears turning in her mind as the silence between us grew. She was trying to think of what to say next, what words to use to fill up the tense space. The smartest one in the room now felt backed into a corner.

Can't say I was feeling chatty either. I still had no idea what I was doing here. All the anger, resentment, even hatred I had felt for her up until now, it hadn't vanished... but  instead had solidified. I had dragged the weight of it with me all this time, carried it up the stairs when I came here. And now, standing before her, my goddess, I wasn't sure what to do with it all. The gods demand offerings of devotion. What would my goddess do with what I had to give her?

"You... must not think kindly of me... after all this time..." she finally said, her speech unusually slow, her words delicately chosen, without much conviction behind them.

It was true. The intensity of the rage I had carried for her over the years had distorted my view of her. My goddess had turned into my abuser. When I was the victim, she turned me into the monster. I had pledged everything to her and in the end, she turned her back on me, betrayed me. For the longest time, I wanted to tear her limb from limb, rip her head off her shoulders, proudly display her bloody face like a trophy like Perseus had done to me. I wanted to use it to instill fear in my enemies, rejoice in victory with my sisters. I wanted her to suffer like I had, make her feel worthless like I did, make her ashamed like I was. I wanted to kick her off her high pedestal, watch her topple to the ground, watch her break. I wanted to turn her into a fallen idol, a relic, a name lost to history, nothing more than a forgotten thing. 

"I don't expect your forgiveness. Not that I even deserve it." she continued, "But... if you'll allow me to explain my actions... Perhaps some sort of understanding can be made."

Understanding? I had asked for mercy and instead you brought only more pain and suffering. What more could there be to understand? How did she expect to defend such an act?

"Though I don't align myself with their choices, I cannot defy my fellow gods. They will do what they want to do. I cannot stop them. I cannot interfere with how they choose to live their existence." she said, her tone starting off strong but then beginning to feel strained, almost broken by a hint of sadness, "I saw what Poseidon did to you, I heard your cries. It pains me to the core to have watched you suffer as you did. But there was nothing I could do."

Fury lit a fire within me and a deep growl leapt from my belly and forced its way through my lips.

"Nothing?... Nothing!" I could taste the bitter venom on my tongue as I spat, "You sat on your golden throne and watched him force himself upon me, over and over again. You heard me scream in agony, in fear, in pain... and you shut your eyes, held your hands against your ears, turned away from it all? You heard my prayers for help, for mercy and you ignored them?!"

"What I did to you... terrible as it was... Was to protect you!" she shouted, trying to convince herself that her words carried any true meaning, "It was to ensure that such suffering would never happen to you again."

I shook my head, not fully comprehending what she meant. My chest heaved in anger as I failed to steady my breathing. Without realizing it, I felt my fangs scrape against my mouth, the sweet metallic taste filling my mouth.

"You turned me into this hideous creature, this monster, this thing that lurks in the darkness. You gave me a crown of snakes and left me to rule a land of black sand. You turned me into a queen of misery and death!" I screamed, a deep wailing rattling through my ribcage, "Every person that crossed my path turned to stone. You ensured that any attempt I made to seek out comfort, a tender embrace, a warm smile, a loving kiss would be met with nothing but coldness."

I could hear the hissing echoing in my ears and felt a sinister grin seize hold of my lips.

"And then, just like a true monster, you sought out a hero to slay me, to creep into my cave and strike me down. You had fate send another man to prey on me at my most vulnerable. Only difference is this one thanked you when he was finished, gave you my head in return for your loyalty."

Athena shook her head, her body violently spasmed as she tried to hold back the tears now streaming down her porcelain face, her nails digging into the polished wood of her desk. Always one to never let her guard down, to never show weakness, it was strange to see my goddess so broken. How many more cracks would appear if I kept pushing hard enough?

"I tried to help you the best way I knew how." she pleaded.

"No! You turned me into another one of your games!" I shouted, "Your hands were tied so you made me your weapon. Made me your judge and executioner."

My eyes widened as everything began to grow clearer in my mind. The goddess of wisdom tried to outwit everyone again. When a woman wants to play in a man's world, she either plays nice and stays on their good side or stabs them in the back and continues walking. Daddy's favorite tried so hard to win everyone else's favor that she lost herself trying to become what everyone wanted and needed her to be. Who's the fool now?

"That's how you got your revenge! Never again could you let someone touch me, look at me, speak to me. I became the punishment you wished you could give to Poseidon, to men just like him. I became your reaper of these wayward, self-indulgent souls."

Now I understood.

The other goddesses, despite being reduced to such petty things- Hera the bitch, Aphrodite the slut, Artemis the prude, Demeter the shrew- all of these women still had their freedom. They didn't let themselves be defined by the labels men carelessly threw at them. But Athena had grown up in a man's world, was literally born into it. She had defined herself by their rules and theirs alone. The wisest of us all unknowingly let herself become what man wanted her to be. It may as well have been her hand that held the blade against my throat that night. 

"You had been told, been led to believe that you were better than them, that you towered over them, that you were superior, that you were perfect. But in the end, you are just like them."

Athena slumped to the floor, held her head in her trembling hands. The unbreakable, the unwavering had been brought to her knees. She could not hide behind her denial any longer. The weight of the truth had finally come crashing down on her. Her eyes had finally opened. 

And they think I'm the blind one...