The boy who wants to be Dead - Drarry

Chapter 5

A cold autumn wind blew across the fields of Devon. Grey stormy clouds obscured the sky, letting the world feel that the end of the year is near.
It was the end of September 1998.
Only two more days until October. The leaves, now coloured in red, yellow and brown, were falling. The first dew could be seen seen in the mornings and since one week it was also foggy. Summer was finally over.

Harry was sitting by the window again, watching the leaves getting blown across the fields and the sky getting gloomy. The wind was picking up, raddling the house. It was late afternoon and a storm was coming.
His room was getting darker by the minute. Only the chimney spending some light and warmth.

It's been a week since he spoke with Ginny. Since they broke up for good.
They haven't spoken another word since then.
He couldn't bear to see the pain and sadness in her eyes so he kept to himself. He wanted to comfort her, but he knew that would make it only harder for her. This was her home, she needed her family now, so he gave her room by isolating himself in this room.

After he left Ginnys room that day, when they broke up, he went downstairs again. When he entered they all went silent. "We broke up. " the words left him before he realised it. It was all he said. He couldn't look anyone in the eye.
They weren't expecting to see him again so soon and they weren't expecting that he would tell them so straight forwardly.

Molly went pale. She sat with her mouth open in shock. She knew that Harry and Ginnys Relationship was troubled, but she thought that will pass and that they will overcome this. Arthur who was just eating a spoonful of mashed potatoes paused dumbfounded.  He didn't know what to think. Of course he wished that Harry would become his son in law, but it seems it was up to the younger generation. If they think they need to breake up, then so be it. Harry would still be welcome in his family. He started to shew again. Then he thought about his responsibilities as Ginny's father and paused again, unsure which side he should take.

Ron was the first to break the silence, the food on the fork in his hands momentley completely forgotten. "WHAT????", he cried out, as Harry already turned around and went upstairs again.

Since then they all came to speak to him separately. Molly came to tell him, that no matter what he would always be welcome. And if he needed someone she will also be there for him. And that he was having a hard time, but one day, better times will come. She couldn't help but encourage him to think about it again.
She was sure that this was not the end. Surely Harry will see that in time. They all thought so. They couldn't understand.

Ron and Hermione came to him as well. Hermione huged him. She was crieng, telling him how sorry she was, but that it will get better surely.
Ron was angry at first, telling him that he should talk to Ginny again, that he should try to mend things. Ginny was his baby sister. Of course he was angry for her, but at the same time he was frustrated. Harry was his best friend and since the war he became distanced. Sometimes it was as if Harry wasn't even here anymore. He was detached from the world around him. Ron felt helpless and betrayed. He tried to understand and have considerateness for Harry, but it was difficult. It felt as if Harry did not trust him anymore. And that hurt more than anything.

Harry didn't know what to say. What could he say to make it better? It was over and it was for the best. He saw the hope in their eyes, but he could not feel anything but numbness and guilt. He looked at them and then he told them that he was sorry and that they should look after Ginny.

That was all he said. Since then Ron did not come to talk to him again. Hermione tried to talk to him some times more, but when Harry didn't answer. She also stopped trying to get answers or any reaction from him.
She went bake to silently bring food to him when he didn't come down to eat.

But he knew that they were whispering behind closed doors. Talking to get help from a doctor. They were worried and rightfully so.

The wind whistled as it blew around the Burrow. It started to rain.
Was he truly still here? Why was he still here? He should have died.
Then they could mourn him and move on. Then he wouldn't bring them so much pain. Then he would not feel this guilt.
Maybe he should leave. Maybe he should die.

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Ist a very dark chapter.
It feels kind of wrong to write something this dark on Christmas eve.
But i only found time and motivation to write again today and the story needs to go through the dark parts bevore coming to the light and more pleasing part.
For those who celebrate Christmas I wish everyone of you a wounderful Christmas this year and for the rest a beautiful holiday. Hopefully you have a better time than Harry in this story at the moment.

Much love,
Silivreniel