The boy who wants to be Dead - Drarry

Chapter 1

Dear Mr. Potter,

your extraordinary partipation in the last wizard war has shown us that you are more than capable of fighting against the Dark Arts. You have proven us on may occasion that you are indeed worthy of becoming an Auror.

We do know that you could not finish your education during the war. However in consideration to your accomplishments during the war, we will hereby recommend you to become an Auror.
We feel, that you have the necessary abilities to become an exceptional Aurror.

Please contact us as soon as you have made your decision concerning your future.
We await you answer until Wednesday in two month.

Sincerly,

August Floro
Headmaster of the Auror Department

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Harry stared at the letter in his hands without moving or blinking. He expected the letter, just not ...yet.
Not so soon after everything happened. He has hoped to have maybe another month, maybe even a year.

Even though he knew deep down that it did not matter how long he had time. It would still be to early.
The war was over, it was time to move on. ....Move on. But how do you move on ....after everything?
He felt numb inside. After so many month...so many years in constant fear, in constant danger, how can one just live as if nothing happened?

So many died. So many lost their lives and will never return. Sirius, Dumbledore, Lupin, Tonks, Fred, Snape.....
He was at more burials than he can count. They were all beautifull, especially the one for Fred, Tonks and Lupin. Molly really had outdone herself. For her it was a way to cope with everything, to say the final goodbye and pay the last respect for the people she loved and lost to remember. Harry admired her strength. "Cry and live, Harry. For them. They gave their lives so we can live. They died protecting this beautiful world. So we should live for them. We should honor that, Harry", Molly had said to him one evening.

But Harry did not feel alive. He did not know what to feel. It was as if he has unlearned to live. His life had always the purpose to fight against Voldemort, to fight and to die.
And now this was finally over.
His deads were done. He was the Savior of the wizard world. But he did not feel like a hero. How can he be a hero when so much is lost?
How can he live when he should have died with them? It was his purpose to win the war, but was it his purpose to survive?

"Harry?"

He blinked and looked up, Hermione stood in the doorway to his room"

"There you are. I was searching for you." Hermione said. Her brows furrowed together when she saw the letter in Harrys hands.

"What are you reading?", she asked.

Harry looked absentmindedley at the forgotten letter in his hands and did not answer.

"Nevermind, dinner is almost ready, are you coming downstairs?", she asked after a while, probably sensing his discomfort.

Harry nodded, but keeps on sitting on the windowsill in his room in the burrow, where he has sat all evening keeping to himself and his thoughts.

"Okay ...then I will go on ahead.", Hermione said finally while looking slightly concerned. She turned around leaving the room to go downstairs.