The boy who wants to be Dead - Drarry

Chapter 3

Harry reached for the doorknob on Ginnys door. He hesitated. It had been a while since he had talked to Ginny even though they live under the same roof. Bevor the war Ginny became his Girlfriend, but they broke up during the war. And afterwards there was so much going on that they did not have time to speak about it again. There was so much pain and hart feelings to work out.

He knew that Ginny was waiting for him. She gave him much needed time to think about everything and he knew that he couldn't keep her waiting forever. It was just that....he didn't know anymore if he still wanted to be together with her in that kind of way. He knew there was still a part of him which loved her, but was that enough?

When he thought back, all seemed so perfect then. He loved her.
But war changes people. He was broken. More broken than his friends knew, more than they could comprehend.
He felt as if he was not good enough for Ginny anymore. She was such a bright person with the biggest heart he knew. She should be loved by someone who has ability to spark the fire in her and not make her miserable like he does.
Freds death hit her really hard and he knew he should have been there for her, but he just couldn't. And he knows that she was waiting for him to open up to her. To let her inside his walls so she could help him. But he just couldn't.

They all tried to help him, to understand his pain, his suffering, but they just couldn't. There is no one who could possibly understand what he went through. What it means to be "the boy who lived", how heavy the burden he carried all his life truly was or... what it means to die.

A quiet sobbing sound through the closed door. Ginny was crying and Harry still stood bevor the closed door to her bedroom, his left hand on the doorknob. With a heavy heart he knocked three times on the door.

"G- Ginny?"

The sobbing stoped. Silence reached his ears.

"Can...Can I come in?" he asked, trying to be calm.

Then he heard shuffling. Bevor he knew it, the door cracked open and bevor him stood a unusual timid looking red-head, sniffling and looking towards the ground, avoiding his eyes.

"Come in, Harry" She turned around, leaving the door open and walking towards her bed from which she got up just merely seconds ago, leaving to open the door for harry.

Harry entered her bedroom, closing the door behind him. He looked around unsure where to sit.

It was not the first time he was in her bedroom, but this time he felt like trespassing. The room still looked the same as he remembers: small and comfortable. Quidditch poster decorated her walls and pictures of her friends and family stood on her beside table. Beside the bed there were desk, a chair, a wardrobe and a book shelf. He couldn't help but remember the memors he had chaired with her in this room in the last summer bevor they broke up.

Harry decided it would be best to just keep standing were he was and get it over with, whatever it entailed. So he stood awkwardly, merely two steps into the room.

His eyes trailed towards the frail looking body on the bed. Ginny was sitting with her legs on the bed, which were drawn towards her body.
Her eyes were trailing the pattern of the blanket. They were red from crying.
Harry saw that she tried hart not to cry again. An uncomfortable silence engulfs the room.

Harry did not know what to say.
Seeing her like that pained him. She shouldn't be so miserable. In his mind she was always bright. An unflinching light, strong and warm. He wanted to comfort her, but he didn't want to give her the wrong idea and he wasn't sure if she even wanted him near her.

"I am sorry." He said finally.

"For what?" Her voice was horse from crying. Ginny didn't need to look up to know that Harry just bit his lip, looking downwards. It was a habbit of his to do so when he didn't know what to say. She just knew him too well, or at least the past him. He has changed so much in the last months, that he sometimes felt like a stranger to her.