Terrified of being too happy
For the persistent fright of
something terrible about to follow
That is not how I planned to live;
Praying everyday for a kinder tomorrow
Because yesterday was unholy
That is not how I planned to live;
A slave of the sprinting hour
Panting with the ticking clock
Tossing between schedules
Grieving what's waiting to happen
Like that feeling when you're next,
In line to receive the question paper
That throbbing you hear
Of your heart at the edge of your chest
Now multiply that feeling into eternity
That is not how I planned to live;
Scoffing at fairytales
Rewording them fascades
Longing for vehemence
And bailing out when it shows up
That is not how I planned to live;
Beaten to death by "what ifs"
Waking up in sobs of "only ifs"
Biting my lip and clenching my fists
Every now and then my tongue tightening
That is not how I planned to live;
Defined by numbers, verdict of face values
Who cares if you're a fish?
"Can't climb the tree?"- a futile failure
How lethally an outsider manages to sting
The insides of me he's barely seen
With his poison seeped so deep inside me
That is definitely not how I planned to live;
Always to follow something is ready
Always on list something is next
Always in mind priorities are set
No time to feel, no time to cry
Catch your breath or you're left behind;
Like a caged bird
I'm looking at the sky
Wondering if asking
For freedom is a crime.
