salacious | sirius black

t r u t h o r d a r e

𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖊

a/n: i figured it's probably time to show you guys what Dorcas looks like...

yes, i know she played Leta Lestrange in fantastic beasts but this is exactly how i pictured Dorcas from the beginning so i hope it won't be confusing, i'm adding her to the characters list. also, pretend she has a septum ;)

sirius black

I was angry at myself for telling her that I like her. What the hell was I thinking? I've never told a girl that I fancy her.

God, it sounds like what a first year pupil would say. He'd secretly sent it on a piece of flying paper dragon during a lesson, to some girl he thought was pretty. Foolish.

I feel like a fucking idiot.

James constantly sent those enchanted dragons to Evans in Transfiguration classes, but he was thirteen and crazy about Lily.

And I'm not fucking thirteen or crazy...about Odessa. No. I'm not.

I have her wrapped around my finger.

But how I love when she melts under my touch, how I love her smooth plump lips and tender body. On top of it all, she feels so damn good. Everything about her feels right.

Walking faster from the lavatories, I try to get my mind of things.

I hate her. I hate what she's doing to me. God, I'm so fucking bipolar.

When Odessa's around, I stop thinking about my set boundaries and I want to visit that dreamy foreign land, where suddenly I don't really feel like fighting those emotions; she's irresistible.

But at the same time it makes me loose control over myself — I don't like to be out of control, because it makes me feel weak. And that reminds me of my parents, it reminds me of how fucking weak I was when I was younger, when I didn't have the balls to stand up to my abusive father.

When he beated me up for things that were absurd. It was his way to deal with things.

Violence.

And my mother watched. She did nothing but watched me get bruised, not even grimacing when my father's sharp belt hit my fair flesh. How it left a red tetter line with each rapture, until turning into a burning cut. The worst thing is that Reg had to watch too, but at least he didn't got any bruises. I got them for him.

It became an instinct of self-preserviness to show dominance — vulnerability was never an option. Now I was greedy for Odessa. I didn't want to shut her from all her friends, but thinking about someone else touching her...I'm on a verse of snapping their neck.

I realize I'm slowly falling into my father's footsteps, and it disgusts me. I don't want to be a monster like him, I don't want to resemble his usual ways around the house; tormenting me and my brother until someone cracks. I never wanted to do that to Odessa, fuck no, although I couldn't help it — she's a connecting link to what I've fighted to feel.