CW: sexual themes, suicide, alcoholism.
It seems as though I finally left my room after an entire week. I've taken up writing over the past few years in order to keep my mind off the things that happened recently. After my dad passed, I inherited a box of old books and writings that he kept in the basement. It took me a long time to go through them all. They were all old comic books and encyclopedias about bugs in African countries. It was such a boring task I constantly stopped for a while before eventually continuing once more. However, once I reached the very bottom of that cardboard box, all the old memories came flooding back to me. I had found my old writing I did back in my high school days. The edges of the paper were stained yellow and the ink writing was slowly smudging. It was it, it was what I was trying to forget. At first, I wanted to tear it to shreds. Though, I quickly realized that I shouldn't. I have certainly outgrown my childish ways, and tearing it apart will only show I haven't changed a bit. I instead just threw it onto my desk and planned on forgetting it. Though, the more the days continued, the more the story I wrote in high school seemed to haunt me. It sat there on my desk, taunting me. However, I learned to accept it. Once I got the hang of being an author, I realized what kind of stories I wanted to put out into the world. I want to show my audience stories that I believe could benefit them, and maybe using my own story as a cautionary tale will show others to not do what I have done. Maybe releasing this story will give me some closure to what happened those years.
Basket Case
I'm not sure how to feel anymore, I don't feel real. Like I'm in a dream, I feel as though I'M floating and drifting through the world, but can not touch it. So many tragic things have happened. Where should I even begin? I suppose I should start at the very beginning.. I was around sixteen at the time, in calculus, sitting next to my friend Brian. We were both in such a state of tedium we just spent the class whispering to each other and discreetly flipping of the teacher the moment he couldn't see us.
"Hey," Brian said after a while of silence, "what are you doing this weekend?"
"Going home," I replied, "maybe to study. You do realize we have a Chemistry test tomorrow?"
"I don't care about that." Brian said, "besides, I overheard some girls talking and I think Penny is going to a party near my house Friday."
I just scoffed internally at him, I kind of wished he would talk about anything else except his new obsession with Penny. She was this girl who Brian had the same English class with. Honestly, she didn't even seem that pretty to me. Though, at the same time, I wish I could relate to what he was feeling. I mean, this is high school we're talking about. I feel the hormones should have kicked in by now, and I should be obsessed with girls too. But, girls don't interest me. Most of them are pure eye candy but it usually doesn't make up for their basic personalities. I'd much rather have a lover who's less soft, and maybe a more stoic personality, and bonus points if this girl's got a deep voice.
I have yet to find a girl like that.
"You should go with me." Brian said, leaning in close to me while eyeing the teacher in hopes he wasn't listening to our chat, "maybe I'll find you a girlfriend, you sure as hell need one."
"I'm good." I said plainly.
"Aw, come on," Brian argued, "how can you be interesting to people if you just stay in your room all day?"
I looked back at him from my peripheral vision, I didn't want to reply as it would only make me more annoyed.
After classes, Brian and I snuck around the back of the school to have a smoke. I leaned against the brick wall, while Brain squatted near the ground, cigarette in his mouth while looking down at the pavement. I thought Brian looked cool, like he could be on an album cover. His chin and his neck were covered in short brown hairs. He was constantly told he needed to shave by the entire school staff but he never listened, he told me it was because apparently women like facial hair. I ended up taking off my sweater vest and loosening the tie around my neck. I honestly hated the school uniform. I looked around the corner just in case someone was there, we had an assembly this morning about how the staff at the school is cracking down on kids who they catch breaking the rules. But deep down, I knew they wouldn't. I leaned my head back against the wall and started to think.. Eventually, my cigarette burned out and I threw it onto the pavement. before stomping it out with the bottom of my shoe. I looked over at Brian, who was starting to stand up. He threw the butt of his cigarette onto the ground and stomped it out as well. I secretly wanted another, but instead I picked up my vest and threw it over my shoulder.
