Extraordinary 》phan

01- Therapy

Daniel James Howell

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"Although I hated life it felt beautiful to breathe."

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I WATCHED THE SNOW FALL GRACEFULLY FROM THE SKY like small angels descending from heaven onto Earth, and I am left to wonder how something so beautiful could annoy me so much. The snowflakes were beautifully crafted to look like stars falling from the sky but the icy cold it brought was dissatisfying. I wasn't dressed the best for this weather either.

I wore a dark blue beanie that mimicked the color of the deep ocean to protect the tips of my ears. I had taken the hat from my brother without telling him but I knew he wouldn't mind. My brother loved the winter, he could control the ice and manipulate it. He didn't need a stupid hat, I did. However, it wasn't going quite to plan. It felt like a thousand needles were piercing the tip of my nose and I was in constant fear of frost bites.

No one else had to face the foolish issues I did because I lived in a world where everyone could avoid it with their "gifts." They weren't really gifts, it was more of a trait you were born with; the norm. You either had super speed, super strength, the ability to read minds or something along the lines of that. The only thing they had to worry about was not getting dirt in their eyes as they looked down at people like me. It was something everyone had, these abilities were part of your identity. Your powers would help you and help others around you; it was a common blessing given to everyone. Except for me.

I was different and not the good kind of different that everyone praised. I was the horrible kind of different because I didn't have the any powers or unique abilities. This very fact caused me so much torment throughout my life that I chose to repress. I was just me and somehow that was a sin, a disgrace. I wasn't the cool kid who would walk with their head held high in confidence; instead I looked pissed off as I passed everyone. I tried to seem unapproachable, honestly I began to envy everyone around me. They didn't need any help from me at all, I was the most talentless person on the face of the planet.

I never introduced myself to anyone either or made friends. I didn't need to know their names to know they were far more superior to me. Who cares if the guy who controls fire and mind's name is Matt? They probably don't want my name either, who would? I could imagine the title of my autobiography now, "Dan Howell, The Most Unimpressive Human Ever. What a loser!" It would basically be a whole book about how my life was like I was passing the cool kid table every time I walked past someone.

I was just an ordinary person in a world filled with extraordinary people

I've tried to get used to it, but being the most un-special person isn't something that takes a few days to get over. I'm still not used to that fact after nineteen years. I'm struggling to feel welcomed in a society that sees me as nothing but a scrap at the bottom of the trash. I don't even have someone who would stick by my side either, a person to encourage me. I don't blame anyone either. Who would settle for leftovers when you could have the real thing? I guess that explains why I've never had a friend, never trusted anyone or loved anyone. It's pathetic.

I was taught that my parents would support me to the very end but my parents just treat me like I have a "Fragile" sticker on my forehead. They constantly shield me from things that I could handle. When I was a kid I wasn't allowed to go outside and play with the others kids but my brother was. He would control the snow and show off to the kids on the block, gaining popularity. No matter how many tears I shed and no matter how many times I pleaded, I wasn't allowed to make friends and be normal; or at least attempt to.

My parents realized my life was damaged beyond repair but never acknowledge that they were the cause of it. Instead, they send me to therapy groups for troubled teens. The first two groups didn't do anything and I was in the process of attending the third. I remember reading the description of the group online. Reading over the short paragraph made me realize that this group was for kids who didn't accept their powers, and didn't make friends because of it. I didn't fit in at all. I had no interest in attending but my parents insisted it would help me. They didn't even know half of my problems, if they did they would know this therapy wouldn't do jack shit for me. They can't fix me with this.