The Dragon's Scale [COMPLETE]

28.3 || Thysia

"What?"  The word escaped his mom's lips like a gasp dragged out of her.

Josh kept his eyes trained on his knees, but her eyes pierced his shoulder, trying to dissect what he just said. He started scratching at the ground again.

"You told me before this all started that the world was dangerous. I didn't believe you. Eli paid the price for that. Or, I don't know, maybe I did believe you, but I just thought I was big enough to beat it all."

"Josh—" his mom started, but he pushed onward, letting all the thoughts gush out before he could stop them.

"I would be dead if I hadn't been lucky and had part of Thysia's soul connected to mine. Maybe all of us would be dead. And I was right there when Eli was taken. I couldn't do anything. There was this guy, or, well, spirit I guess, over in the temple. I watched him die, Mom. I still see it, and every time I do, I remember I did nothing. He was fighting on his own because I was too weak to be around and help. I could barely even stand the energy those Shadow Knights gave off. I was so powerless, and now I'm even more powerless. What if I only thought I could handle so much because of the pain tolerance I no longer have? What if—"

His throat closed. Tears burned paths down his cheeks. He squeezed his eyes shut, willing the pressure on his chest to ease. When the flaming spear snapping Aharon's head back seared into Josh's eyelids, he forced his eyes back open.

"What if next time," he whispered, "they go after Eli again, or one of you, and I can't do anything but watch you die?"

He despised this feeling. The powerlessness that found root in his heart and spread its inky doubts through his veins.

You saved everyone, Boomer said, not for the first time.

By chance, Josh argued. I saved them by chance, and it was by nearly killing myself.

"You didn't want included in any of this," he said aloud. "You begged me, but I dragged all of you into it anyway. How can I do that when I can't even promise to protect you? You said before there was a way to break the bond, right? If I did that, we could all go home, and you wouldn't be in danger again—"

Arms wrapped around his shoulders. His mom pulled her against him, her forehead resting against his temple. "Joshua, my silly little hero," she whispered. "You can't protect the whole world."

He trembled despite his attempts to stop it. "I didn't say I had to."

"But are you satisfied if you can't?"

He didn't speak, but deep down, he knew the answer. He had talked with Boomer enough, trying to figure out some way he could have saved Aharon. They couldn't come up with anything that didn't rely heavily on chance. Yet that didn't chase away the feeling that he had failed.

Was that how he would feel every time he watched someone die? Would there be other times?

"I'm scared," he admitted. "And now that I feel pain, I'm even more scared. What if I could only be brave because I thought I was tough?"

Boomer's presence bubbled under the surface, wanting to flood and argue. To calm down and keep him there, but he remained silent.

His mom leaned away from him, but she ran a hand through his hair. "Fear is okay, Josh," she said. "It is how we respond to fear that matters. This life has introduced you to so much that you have never faced before, including pain, but not once did I see it push you away. Not until now."

"I saw him die. I can't escape still seeing it."

His mom was silent for a moment. It was so different from what he expected. He thought he would confess his desire to step away from the Paladins and she would be thrilled. But no, instead, she seemed painfully sad.