The Girl In The Hoodie

Chapter 10 ~ Cry inn

Forgot how to breath. Forgot how to blink. Forgot that time existed. Forgot what had just happened ten minutes ago. How at that time, we had been coming our way home. Not expecting to hear the news about my mother.

As I come back to the realization from the unexpected news. I feel the streams of tears falling down my face. Not making any eye contact with my mom. Not even taking my hands off the steering wheel. Just complete silence between the both of us.

Until one of us broke the silence.

"I'm sorry honey," she pauses as she sniffs her tears back. "I was not expecting it either, but life is always going to be unexpected."

I stay there staring at my hands on the wheel.

"How long did they say you have?" I asked through the heavy weight on my throat.

"They did not say exactly, but I presume about 5 months." She stares to the floor then back at me.

I sniff and wipe my tears away. The next thing I knew, my mom was the first to step out of the car.

"I'll leave you be, take as long as you need." Walking towards the front door of the house.

Meanwhile I just sat there in the car. With tears still streaming down my face. I decided to turn the car on to play some music. I blasted it to max volume. Then I got so frustrated that I decided to go drive it out.

I placed my hand onto the stick shift and placed it on reverse. So fast I did not even realize to look behind me in the mirrors. At that moment I knew I messed up.

I almost killed Ryder Avery. 

Ugh Ivy you're so stupid. You could have killed him. I thought to myself.

"Woah, woah, woah!" Ryder says with his hands waving. "I've only been to your house once and what? Already placed a bad rep for myself. Geez maybe I'll just move back to Colorado." He says in a worry but funny voice.

So is that where he used to live, Colorado? I feel it's so strange for him to move here and to feel so used to his presence. As if I knew him already but, how?

"Sorry Ryder," I guide my eyes from the steering wheel to his bright blue eyes.

"It's all good, Ross." He gave a quick smile with his hand rubbing his neck.

I could start to feel the tears attacking me again, knowing that Ryder would see. I turned my attention back to the stick shift.

"Sorry again, I just wanted to drive around the city, for a while." I said barely above a whisper, I could barely hear too.

"Alright that's cool."

"Yup." Not knowing what to do as I wanted to yell at him. But why? Non of this was his fault, I just carried so much anger in myself, no way of allowing myself to express it properly.

"Are you okay? If I'm allowed to ask, it's just that you look really sa -"

"I'm fine."

"I mean if you say so,"

"Why do you even care? You don't even know me!" I finally cracked.

Way to go Ivy!! I thought to myself.

As I thought to myself, I finally looked back up. Realizing he had left.

Great now you scared him off, he won't ever come close to you again. 

I have no idea what he will think of me now, but all I knew is that I needed to drive.

As I drove through the city, I found myself in downtown. It was always one of the most magical places her in Cali. It always brought comfort. Especially seeing the different styles and people walking around each of the stores.  Especially that one and only ice cream shop, that I will always remember. Most of my childhood memories live there.

Especially the memories of when mom and dad always brought my brother and I. I miss being a whole family.  When I never realized how hard my dad worked. Always making an effort to put up a smile for us. I miss mom being able to be free, not have to experience pain. When my brother and I were close and laughed all the time.

There have been so many memories, but the best one will always be the last.

The last time we went to Zander's Supreme Ice Cream Shop. My brother was still deciding where to go to college. I was about to start my High School years. Our parents took us out, to talk about our futures. It was almost strait out of a coming to age movie. They told us to live our lives, however we wanted to. They told my brother, no matter what college he picked. They will always be proud of him for being extremly strong. That he has the rest of the pages in his book to fill out. My Father told him that, on that night. As for me, he told me to never stop. To continue fighting for my life. That no matter how hard the road may look, to overcome it and get through the traffic.

Those words hitting me in that same moment, got me realizing that I could give up. Which I felt like doing in that moment. But I couldn't. I had to keep fighting. I had to get through the traffic. No matter how hard it hurt. I had to be strong for my mom. I had to be there for her.

After that night, the next few weeks they announced that they would be closing down, forever. Since then, once and a while we would make our own shakes, trying our best for it to be exactly the same.

I realized I had been out for an hour. Time being 6:30pm. The sun was starting to go down. Another hour to go until I were to get home. But I wanted to make a quick stop on the way there.

I went to the grocery store to get ice cream and ingredients for the shakes. Realizing we hadn't done them in what felt like years.

I finally got home around 8:45pm. Getting the groceries out of the car, I headed inside placing them in the kitchen. I noticed my dad still wasn't back from work. But I did my best to make the milk shakes for my mom and I. Once I felt I got the right recipe, I went upstairs to my moms room. She was just watching the news and trying to find a better channel.

Once she noticed what I was holding, her eyes lit up.

"Mija, you did not?!" She smiled with all her heart through the tears of joy.

"Of course, Ma." I smile back walking towards her side of the bed.

I placed it into her hand, knowing that this might be her last shake. But I will do my best to make them as often as I can. I lay beside her right hand side.

"As much as it hurts me Ma, I know that I have to be strong for you. I have to be here for you as much as you need me. No matter what happens you will always be my favorite music note to have existed." I say before I drift off into sleep.

"I love you so much, my Princess." She says as I felt her lips kiss my cheek.