A Court of Light and Darkness

Nineteen: Freesia

She had ran. Like the coward she was, she ran from the danger, instead of staying to fight back. He had told her to run, so she did.

It was following her, though. She could hear it as it crept closer. Feel it as it slipped into her mind. Smell its stench of pure evil. She ran faster, still, pushing her body to near breaking point.

If it followed her, then she was leading it away from the others. Good. At least they would be safe. They would be alive. She could die to save them. She could sacrifice all of herself, like Elain had told her to do. Like her dream had showed her. For her family. For Azriel. For Mor. She had to.

She stopped dead in the middle of a break in the trees. A circle of plain grasses. Wild flowers grew all around her, their color still prominent in the night. She turned, slowly, until she was facing where she had came from.

In front of her stood the creature, towering over her like a god over a mere human. She pushed the fear from her mind, pushed the sorrow and dread from herself, pulling all her strength and magic into her, burrowing down into it as it built up.

The creature inched closer, its long claws scraping on the ground as it crouched, ready to pounce on it's prey. It's teeth, daggers in its gaping mouth, gleaming in the moonlight. She hated the creature. Hated it for hurting them. For attacking her family.

She held onto her anger, using it to build her fire and light even more, until the light turned into dark, the fire into the hottest flames that burned in the depths of hell. She felt them, the hell fire and darkness traveling through her blood, up her arms and down her legs.

She was death. She was hell fire. She was darkness.

Before she had the chance to release her magic, her fingers tingling to the point of pain, the creature disappeared.

Gone, like it wasn't there to begin with. Freesia stood alone in the clearing, looking blankly into the open air around her.

What just happened? Where did it go?

Freesia's magic lessoned, the burn in her finger tips dimming to a light tickle. She breathed in, the night air filling her lunges, and exhaled.

She had to get back to Azriel. To Mor and Amren. To Cassian and Nesta. Freesia started forward, her eyes still scanning the surrounding trees for any sign of the shadow creature.

But as she took her third step, dizziness overwhelmed her senses. Darkness overtook her eyes as she fell to her knees.

I'm still here. A low growl said into her ear as sleep took her and she fell into darkness.

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"You did this." Her hair was in a tight bun at the back of her head, today. A few fly away hairs tucked behind her ears as the sun beaming through the windows bounced off her auburn strands.

The wrinkles in her face were faint, and only visible by her mouth. They were caused by her smiling for so many years. She always told her that she caused that smile.

"You hurt them." She went on. Freesia was standing across the room from her, her hair loose on her shoulders and her dress a dark green that she would wear often in the Autumn Court.

"I don't understand." Freesia said, her loss for words making it hard to think. She couldn't get past who stood in front of her. How she hadn't seen that face in 5 centuries. Hadn't heard that voice since she had died.

Her mother stood before her, a low glow of light surrounding her body. She wore a flowing yellow dress, making her look god-like.

"You did this. You're magic did this." Her smile didn't reach her eyes as she stared at Freesia. She didn't look at Freesia, but through her. Like she wasn't there or she couldn't see her.

"You can't control it. It will only control you. Come, child. Join me, and all will be okay. You will be okay. They will be okay." Her words stung in a way Freesia could not explain.

She had done this. She had hurt her family, her friends, Azriel. She couldn't think. Couldn't breathe. She was dying. She was drowning, burning alive, suffocating.

"I didn't mean to." Freesia sobbed, coming forward, closer to her mother with no expression on her face.

"I- I love them. I would never hurt them on purpose. Please. You have to believe me." Tears streamed down her face, soaking the fabric of her dress.

"If you truly cared for them, you would come with me. Leave them be. Before you hurt them further." Freesia's mother extending her hand, reaching for Freesia. "Let this be over. Come with me, Freesia."

Freesia paused, staring at her mother's hand. She wanted to go with her, she really did. But she couldn't leave Mor. She would never see Azriel again, or Lucien. Or Nesta and Cassian. Or Feyre and Rhys and Elain. And as stupid as it sounded, she wanted to see her brothers wedding. Wanted to see him happy, mated. Even if Elain hadn't excepted him yet, she had a feeling it would happen.

Freesia stepped back. She wanted her own wedding. Her own happy ending.

But- but she couldn't hurt them anymore. She should go with her mother, leave her family in peace and safety. She had to.

Freesia stepped towards her mother once more. "You must hurry child, you must take my hand."

Freesia?

The sound rang into her ears, stirring her into the present. Her eyes wouldn't open, no matter how hard she tried to pry them open.

Freesia, wake up.

She knew that voice. That low, gruff tone that she had grown used to over her time at the Night Court.

The Night Court. Velaris. Mor. Azriel.

Freesia's mind raced as her thoughts came tumbling in all at once. Where she was. Who she was. What had happened.

Freesia's eyes flung open as she remembered what had happened. She was still in the clearing, her eyes facing the night sky above her.

Big, callused hands came down onto her shoulders, shocking her into action.

She sprang from her spot, away from the hands that had retracted when she moved.

She looked into the eyes of the male in front of her, surprise and a hint of hurt in his eyes.

"It's okay Freesia. You're okay." Cassian said, his voice soft.

"I- I'm sorry." Freesia whispered, bringing her knees to her chest.

"What happened?" He asked, shifting forward and sitting across from Freesia, making sure not to touch her.

"It- it was me." She said, her voice barley auditable.

"What was you?" Freesia stared down at her hands, guilt racking her as she struggled to find the words to tell him.

"The creature was my magic. It was me." Cassian was silent, staring over Freesia's shoulder.

After a while of silence, Freesia thought Cassian wasn't going to say anything. She wouldn't blame him for being speechless.

"Come on, let's get you back to Velaris. Everyone's worried half to death about you." He finally said, extending his hand to silently ask permission.

Freesia took his hand, being hauled to her feet as he stood. He picked her up, one arm under her legs and the other around her waist. She burrowed into her mind, trying her absolute best to not cringe away from the touch.

She didn't know if she'd ever be able to be okay with a male touching her, other than Azriel. She couldn't help the reaction.

Cassian took off, the wind whipping at Freesia's hair before he put up his shield. She zoned out after that, shrinking into her mind as she thought about what she was about to do.

She couldn't stay at the House of Wind. Couldn't stay with Mor and Azriel any longer. She couldn't hurt them anymore.

So she had to leave. She had to say goodbye.