You Can't Love A Dead Person

Sad Ending (Iwa's POV)

[Haha I lied about taking awhile I wrote this all in one sitting. Anyway, this chapter is a little bit different because it shows the current events, then a time skip, so it's really more like two chapters, but I wanted to post it all at once, so here it is. Thank you so much for your support and for reading, it really means so much to me.]

Shit, shit, shit, shit. I just got Oikawa's voice message, and I don't know what to do. I go to the parental controls app, and map Oikawa's location. I try to think about where he is near, then it hits me; Oikawa is about a block away from the highest bridge in our city. I have to go stop him.

I quickly slide on shoes, and take off towards the bridge. I shouldn't have broken up with him. I should have known there was a reason for his rude behavior. If he dies it's my fault.

My head floods with a list miles long of all the things I did wrong. I imagine a long piece of parchment with a list of Oikawa's reasons, and the end of it reads 'you didn't love me enough' signed in his blood. Images of Oikawa's dead body pry into my mind, and while I try to shake them from my mind.

My lungs are burning for sprinting for so long, but I can't slow down, Oikawa's life is on the line. I can't lose him, not only is he my bestfriend and my boyfriend, but I can't imagine a future without him. In my mind, he's also my future husband.

I didn't change before I left, so I'm absolutely freezing, wearing only a white tank top and a pair of sweatpants. It's okay though, I didn't have time to change, if I take too long, Oikawa might have been gone by the time I got there.

I'm only a few blocks away from the bridge now, and my body is aching. I'm tired, I haven't eaten, it's cold, and I'm an emotional wreck. I don't care about myself right now though, I need to get to Oikawa, and save him. He's all that matters.

"What if I can't convince Oikawa to stay?" I say to myself.

"What if he doesn't love me anymore, and I can't stop him from jumping?" I wonder "No, he said that he would never stop loving me in his voicemail. If I can get to the bridge, then I can talk to Oikawa, and convince him to come down. Then we will talk everything out, and live happily ever after." I tell myself.

I keep my head up as the bridge comes into sight. I see a figure standing in the center of the bridge, pushing themselves onto the edge.

"Oikawa!!" I say, hoping to get his attention. Unfortunately, because I've been running, and the air is thin, my voice comes out as barely more than a whisper. I keep running towards him, flailing my arms, hoping that he notices me.

"Oikawa!" I shout again. My voice is slightly louder now, but it's still not loud enough for him to hear.

"Oika-" I try to yell again. My voice breaks as I see him lean back, and fall off the edge. My body freezes and I can't breath.

"OIKAWA NO!" I shout, snapping out of my shock. I look over the edge of the bridge and watch his body fall. His eyes are closed, and his face is red and puffy. Tears flow from my eyes as he hits the water below.

I rub my eyes, and blink a few times, desperately hoping that what I saw wasn't real. I look at the sidewalk where my boyfriend was standing just moments ago. He's really gone now.

I should have ran faster. I should have been nicer. I should have asked him how his day was more. I should have woken up every single morning and told him how much I loved him. Maybe then he would have stayed.

I never told him, but I wanted to marry him. I wanted to own a house with him, I wanted to adopt kids together, and I wanted to grow old with him. I was so stupid not to tell him how much I loved him, because now he will never know.

Oikawa is dead, and he died thinking that I didn't love him. This all feels so wrong. I close my eyes and pinch myself, hoping to wake up from this horrifying nightmare, but when I open my eyes, I'm still standing on this bridge, and Oikawa is still dead.

10 YEARS LATER

The day Oikawa killed himself I told myself that I would never love anyone else. His last words to me was that he would still love me, even if he was dead, so I knew that I had to love him back.

I've graduated business school, but live alone. I don't really do anything with my life anymore. I don't really enjoy it much either. I'm always in so much pain, and even though it's been ten years, I still can't get over him.

Every single day I wake up, go to work, come home, drink until I can't feel anything, then cry myself to sleep. I'm not proud of who I've become, but it's who I am without Oikawa.

Friends from high school and coworkers have tried to check up on me, but I always push them away because they can't do anything for me. They can't go back in time and tell me to love him more, they can't save Oikawa.

After Oikawas' death, I didn't know what to do. At first I was angry with myself, and honestly, I still am. I blame myself for not understanding what he was going through, and not getting to the bridge fast enough.

I transferred colleges, because every day, I had to cross that bridge to get to my classes, and every time I would cry. I couldn't sleep at night because every time I closed my eyes, I saw Oikawa falling, and then had to watch him hit the water and die.

Eventually, I saw a doctor about it, because I hadn't gotten more then 2 hours of sleep in the past month. They gave me a medication that helped the nightmares go away, but then I turned to sleep as a coping mechanism.

Sleeping was the only time I wasn't thinking of Oikawa. Unfortunately, I can't sleep for more than 14 hours straight. That leaves another 10 hours to be spent thinking of Oikawa, and hating myself.

Maki came over once, and he suggested that I see a therapist. He was sad about Oikawa's death, but he just didn't care about Oikawa like I did, so he didn't understand what I was going through.

I forced myself to finish my classes at my new university, but that was the only thing I did. The rest of my time was spent sleeping and drinking. I tried drugs, but found that they only made it worse. I would have hallucinations of Oikawa while I was high, and end up in someone else's bed.

Of course, I felt bad for cheating on Oikawa, even if he was dead. So I stopped doing hard drugs, though I still smoke. Maki told me off for that, he said something about it shortening my life, but honestly, that's the point.

There isn't much to live for anymore, because so much of what I wanted to do, I only wanted to do with Oikawa. I'm never going to get married. I'm never going to buy a house with someone. I'm never going to have kids. And I'm never going to grow old with anyone.

I'm going to die eventually, but when that happens, I will die alone.