You Can't Love A Dead Person

Oikawa's POV

He can't know. I can't let him find out. If Iwa finds out about my cutting habit then he'll try to stop me from- he can't know. Using my pencil sharpener blade, what was I thinking? Focus Oikawa,

How can I cover it up?

I could try and say that the blade fell out, but it's held in place by a screw. I could tell Iwa that I took the blade out for something else, but he would expect me to put it back then. I'll just tell him someone dropped it and I didn't notice it was missing a blade. Yeah, that'll work.

What's my excuse for looking sick? I can just tell Iwa that I had an upset stomach after eating, he'll probably believe that.

I glance down at my wrist, and check my watch from the time. 2:40? But it's dark outside! I walk furiously to the window and check to confirm that the sun had in fact set. Sure enough, the sky is dark, and rain pours from outside

I look at the microwave for the time, because it can't be only 2:40. The dim light reads 8:10. I shake my head slightly and look back down at my watch. "I must have gotten the arms confused." I say dismissively to myself. Am I really that tired? Maybe I should just go to bed.

No, these sketches are due tomorrow, and I haven't even started on the project. I need to work on these. I almost wish I had taken Iwa up on his offer to model for me. Drawing anatomy sketches without a reference is near impossible.

I grab my computer to look up references. I start to draw the basic shapes for the project, then hear the door behind me open.

"Are you looking at naked men?" Iwa's voice asks.

"No, Yes, Maybe? Why, are you mad?" I stutter "They were just a reference I swear." I brace for Iwa to yell at me but a light laughter fills the air instead.

"Of course not! I understand that you need references for your project. Are you sure you don't want me to model for you though?" Iwa asks softly.

"If it's not too much of a burden for you, then yeah." I reply.

"You aren't a burden at all and you never will be. Here's your pencil sharpener." he says, tossing it at me. To my surprise I catch it, and place it on my desk. "How do you want me to stand?" Iwa asks, unbuttoning his shirt.

"Well I have to draw someone in several positions, but you can start with just standing with your arms by your side." Iwa does exactly as I need; he stands in front of me with his shirt off, his hair wet from the rain.

"Hey, aren't you supposed to be drawing me or something?" Iwa teases. I snap out of my hypnosis that my boyfriend's chest muscles put me in and blush furiously. I put my head back down and start drawing.

"I need to see your legs." I say, once I finish drawing Iwa's top half.

"Are you asking me to take my pants off?" Iwa smirks, untying his sweatpants drawstrings.

"Hey you're the one who offered to model for me." I say with mock defensiveness. Iwa pulls his sweatpants off, then goes back to his original pose.

After a few minutes, I finish my sketch.

"Ta-da!" I exclaim showing Iwa the drawing.

"That looks great! So are we done?" Iwa asks. I shake my head.

"Nope, not even close, I still need at least four more poses." I reply.

"Alright then, how do you want me to pose?" he asks. I scooch out of my chair and walk over him to position him. I pull out a stool and sit him down on that. I blush as I position his thighs so that he is crossing his legs. I skim his chest on my way up to his arms.

"Just rest your face on your hand. It's supposed to be the 'deep in thought' pose or something."

"What am I thinking about then?" Iwa says flirtatiously.

"I don't know. You're supposed to be smiling in this pose, so I guess you should think of something that makes you happy." I suggest.

"Then I'll be thinking of you." Iwa says, leaning forward to kiss me. He reaches for my sweater and starts to pull it off, but I swat his hand away.

"I have to finish this project, it's due tomorrow!" I say.

"You can do it in the morning." Iwa says, reaching for my sweater again.

"Iwa, no, I can't. We can do this," I say referencing our closeness "Later. Just not now, I have school." I say, pushing him away again.

"What's the real reason baby? I know it isn't school, you don't do your assignments half the time anyway." Iwa asks. Damn, how does he know me so well? He's totally right, I don't give a shit about school. The real reason I don't want to have sex is because I don't want Iwa to see my body.

"It's honestly school! I'm even more behind then usual from the days I missed!" I exclaim.

"Don't lie to me, Oikawa." Iwa warns. "If you don't want to have sex, just say it. I won't be mad."

"No it's not that! I'm just really behind on school work." I say

"No it's not. I've known you forever and we've been dating for years! Do you really think you can lie without me noticing? You always lick your top lip before you lie then look to the left when you speak. What's the real reason?" Iwa pries.

"Fine I'll have sex with you if it means that much." I say, hoping that Iwa will turn me down now.

"I won't do it if you don't want to. I just want to know what's happening. Talk to me Oikawa!" Iwa says with a slightly raised voice.

"Maybe you don't know me as well as you think you do then!" I shout "Maybe you're just thinking about yourself to consider how I feel. Did you ever think of that Iwa? Just because your parents kicked you out you think you're the only one that struggles! Well you aren't, okay? You aren't special!" I yell. Iwa just looks at me, completely shocked.

"You can find a new model." He says coolly, pulling his sweatpants back on, and walking out of the apartment.