Solangelo Oneshots (Fluff/Angst)

Shallow Breathing(CW)💕💔

(CONTENT WARNING: Discussion of (internalized and not) homophobia flashbacks and dissociation. Nothing graphic, but still potentially triggering if thinking about flashbacks or dissociation makes it happen for you. Homophobia is briefly mentioned but not important to the plot really. This is a vent fic haha help me)

Nico had been feeling off all day. He wasn't quite sure what was wrong, he just knew it had something to do with his PTSD. He tried focusing on his breathing and naming objects, smells, and textures. He sat outside the amphitheater and listened to the Apollo kids practice their music. He tried identifying the different instruments and guessed who was playing what. He recited the alphabet backwards in Italian and English. But it was no use. He still felt wrong.

It wasn't even a self-loathing thing. He wasn't beating himself up about his sexuality, what his mother and sister would have thought, whether he was always destined to live without them, whether by death or because of how he loves.

He almost felt fake, if that made any sense at all. It was either that or everything else was fake, but Nico didn't dwell on that idea too long. It was definitely him.

But why was the question.

He got up at the appropriate time, went to breakfast with the Apollo cabin, he even ate some toast. He drank all of his water, and took those stupid vitamin d supplements Will insisted on, something to do with shadow travel sapping the vitamin d out of him, subsequently worsening his mood.

Nico didn't get it but he played along. Will always got so giddy when he saw that Nico had taken them.

Everything was going surprisingly well, yet Nico still felt distinctly off.

He decided to talk to Will about it at the campfire.

"Uh...Will?" Nico asked. "Yeah, Sunshine?" Will turned away from watching his singing siblings.

Nico chose to ignore the nickname, he couldn't work himself up enough to care. "Can we go to my cabin? I've been feeling really strange and all the people are making it worse" Nico said. Will looked concerned, he nodded, muttering that he was leaving to one of his siblings before taking Nicos hands and hoisting him off the log he had been sitting on.

Once in Cabin 13 Nico sat on the floor, pressing his back into the wall.

"So, what did you mean by your feeling 'really strange'?" Will asked, sitting in front of Nico on the floor, with his back to the rest of the cabin.

"I'm just...I don't feel very real? I don't know. It's like when I shadow travel a lot and become intangible, kinda. Like everything is air" Nico shrugged, pulling his knees up to his chin.

Will thought for a moment. "I think you're disassociating a bit" Will said, furrowing his brows. "How do you feel?" He asked.

Nico tilted his head in confusion "Uh...fine, I guess?" He said. "Think about it" was all Will said.

Nico closed his eyes briefly before instinct told him to open them again. "Uh...kinda scared?" Nico wasn't sure why he was feeling this way, but he knew Will wouldn't ridicule him for it so he told him.

Will looked even more worried now. "Has it been like this all day?" Nico nodded. "Can I have your hand?" Nico held out his arm, cringing a bit at the feeling of skin.

Will noticed, quickly feeling Nicos pulse before letting go. "You have an elevated heart rate, your breathing is also quite shallow but I assumed that was because its a bit chilly".

"So what's wrong with me?" Nico asked. "You're having a flashback, Nico" Will said.

"But I feel fine and I know I'm fine?" Nico said. "Neeks, you may know you're safe but your heart is beating fast, your hands are shaking, breathing is shallow, and your body language is a huge tell." Will pointed out. "You're curled up against the wall".

"May-maybe I'm cold?" Nico cursed himself for stuttering. "It's warm in your cabin and your hand was about room temperature, which is toasty for you".

"Fever?"

"You're not that warm, even for you" Will replied.

"So I'm having a flashback?" Nico asked. "More specifically and emotional flashback, yes. Unless you have been hearing, seeing, smelling or feeling things that aren't there" Will said.

"Nope, just feel weird" Nico said. "Well then, do you want to watch something and lay under your weighted blanket?" Will asked.

"Sure."

(This is just what my emotional flashbacks are sometimes like. Sometimes I'll feel weird all day and then I'll realize my hearts racing and I'm shaking. Usually I realize when I'm doing square breathing, cause of my hand placement. This is of course rare, as most of my flashbacks are more intense, but sometimes I'll just wake up scared and just not realize that that's not a normal feeling for hours.)