Fear Evan Hansen

15

Evans POV:

How do I react? I'm pretty sure I love him, but at the same time I just broke up with my girlfriend a few hours ago. Is this wrong? I really did enjoy the kiss, not gonna lie more than I already have. But still...

I don't want to ruin this moment.

I hid all of my guilt with a smile, like I always do.

Jared's POV:

"Normally in the movies, people would have to go somewhere after their first kiss. But we don't have anywhere to go so what do we do now?" I said, still blushing.

"Well uhm...have you eaten recently?"
"No. But I'm not hungry." I lied. Food doesn't sound exactly...appetizing right now. I don't know. Something is telling me not to eat.

"Yeah, I'm not hungry either." Evan said.

We looked back at the ceiling. I felt Evan slide his hand into mine, intertwining our fingers.

"This is nice." I whispered, glancing over at Evan.

"Yeah. It really is." He whispered back.

"Since our life is already fucked up, why not just drop out of school after killing Alana?" I said, rolling over and deciding that this is going to be my life. The murderer. Yup. Sounds nice I guess.

"Perfect." Evan agreed.
"Wanna kill her tomorrow?"
"Yeah, sure."
A silence fell, Evan and I cuddled close.

"Hey so I get, I get that it's not that late, but I think I'm, like I think I'm gonna go to sleep. If that's ok." Evan said.
"Yeah, I get it. It's been a long day."

I got up, turning my only light off and laying back down next to him, putting my head in his chest.

Time skip until about 3 in the morning

I was awoken by soft sobs, coming from Evan.

I untangled myself from the position we were in just a bit to see if he was asleep or not.

"Ev? Ev wake up." I whispered as I put a hand on his upper arm. He flinched away from me, curling into a ball and crying even harder.

"Evan wake up.." I came closer to him.

He shot up, his eyes wide and panicked.

"Hey hey, it's ok. It was just a dream." I said a bit louder than a whisper.

I found his hand, and slid mine over his. I used to do this during his panic attacks back in middle school. He once told me it helped him calm down, so I just ended up doing it almost every time he had one.

I looked up at him, his eyes glistened in the moonlight that shone through my curtain.

He launched himself forward, hugging me tightly. He sobbed into my shoulder as I rubbed circles on his back.

"Ev..?"

He was shaking a ton.

He got off of me, wrapping his arms around himself.

"I'm sorry.." He mumbled, laying back down, curled in a ball.

"It's ok. What's wrong?"
"I just...I had a nightmare that you got really hurt and you were, you were d-dead and I just, I don't want to loose you..." He rambled.

"Hey. S'all good bro. I'm right here. And I'm not leaving you, ok?" I said, placing my hand on his cheek and wiping away some of his tears.

I layed down next to him, wrapping my arms around him in a protective manner.

I think I've completely ruined my reputation because of this boy. I'm actually helping him. Which is wonder of all wonders, miracle of all miracles.

He curled into my chest, shaking less than he was just a few minutes prior.

We stayed like this until Evan fell back asleep, which wasn't for long.

But I stayed up, wondering if Evan was ok. I stared at the wall, coming up with fake scenarios until I could finally relax.

It's just that I'm worried for him... What if he hurts himself again? What if he...

But these are just "what if" questions. They show all of the negatives. And for once, I need to think positively.

Evan already has enough stuff going on, the least I could do is be a bit positive.

And if I just protect him..and make sure he's safe...then it'll be ok. I won't let him get hurt again.

I can't let it happen.

HOLY FUCK I'M SO SORRY I HAVEN'T POSTED IN FOREVER!!! MY MOTIVATION MUST'VE JUMPED OUT THE WINDOW OR SOMETHING AND I'M SORRY THAT THIS IS SO SHORT-