Fear Evan Hansen

I

So if you've never read the book, chapters that are roman numerals are always Connors ghosts POV. Also, this is gonna contain some Murphy sibling stuffs and Conguel. Alright, onto the story.

Hi. You're the reader, right? Well I'm Connor. You probably know that already.

I'm honestly really pissed at myself right now. I shouldn't have left. Sure. Life was shitty, but I feel bad for leaving Zoe. Especially because her..boyfriend? My 'best friend'? I don't know. Is in the hospital after he pretty much tried to kill himself.
After her brother killed himself.

I tried to stop him. But he ignored me.

That's fucked up.

I'm a horrible person.

A horrible brother.

I floated into Zoe's bedroom, wondering if she could see me just like Evan could. She was putting on her teal converse sneakers.

"Zoe?" I whispered, trying not to startle her. "It's me. Connor? Your brother?" A little louder this time. I tried to tap her on the shoulder, remembering that she was alive and well, I wasn't. "Shut up. You aren't him. You will never be him. So shut up you little voice in my head." Bitterness. That's all I heard. She had changed. So much.

"Zoe turn around or I'll hit you." I can't even hit her. Not like I would. But if she's alive, and I'm not, then I can't affect her physically. But it seemed to be enough for her to turn around.

"Believe me now?" She jumped and crashed into the wall behind her. "GAH!" She yelled out, her face loosing it's color. "N-NO. NO. THIS ISN'T HAPPENING. NO." Her face had dry tear stains all over it. "Zoe." She scooted closer to the wall, cornering herself. "Zoe!" Her head shook rapidly, as if a bee was flying around her.

"ZOE. CHILL OUT." She stopped moving completely.

"Why are you here...?" She looked at me, cowering from me. "I wanted to test something. Evan can see me. Evan can hear me. But I haven't tested that on anyone else, so I decided that I should try to talk to you."

"Why not any other time?! Why now?! Why after all of this pain that I've suffered from you?!" She started to bawl. "Zoe I-"

"You didn't even tell me about Evan and you...why...?" She said, looking at me. Her arms when limp by her sides, face plastered a hurt expression. "We...I...I can't tell you. I can't tell you why." I don't want to break it to her right now. This is a horrible time. Even I know that.

"Just tell me!" I took a deep breath, doing this floating/sitting thing that I do often. "No. You'll understand when you're older, ok?"

"I WANT TO KNOW NOW!!" She screamed. Good thing Cynthia and Larry aren't home. I don't even know where they were, but not at home, that's for sure.

"Zoe..." I'm getting impatient with her by this point. "Please..." Her voice wavered. "Zoe. I need you to do a small favor for me. I need you to tell Evan that you can see me. He's scared, ok?" I tried to change the topic. She nodded. "Will do." She wiped her tears off of her cheeks.

"I've missed you...too much..." She gave me a small smile, sitting next to me on the bed. "I've missed you too, sis." It's been years since I've called her that. She giggled, smiling up at me.

"Remember. You're so strong. You're amazing. You're perfect. And I love you. So stay strong for me. You can do this." I said, trying to keep my tone light.

"Thanks Con...I love you too." She sadly smiled at me. "I need to go. But stay safe. Take care of yourself. And keep your head up. I'll be back sometime soon. It sounds fucking cliche, but if you ever urgently need me, look into a mirror and say my name three times. I promise you it works. Even if it's a stereotypical horror movie thing." I shrugged an laughed.

"Alright.. Will do.." She sighed. "You got this." I assured her and slowly faded out of her vision.

I walked to the park, humming some random tune. Now realizing what tune it actually was, I had to push down the urge to start singing it.

No one can hear me. Well, from what I know. "Popular. You're gonna be popuuuular." I sang to myself. I laughed at myself, remembering when me and Miguel would sing this together in his room.

I wish I could go back to when I was alive.
I regret what I did to myself.
I always will.

Ah yes, another short chapter. I have big plans for this though. We'll get to it soon.