Liberty Calling

Chapter 16

I was a rather confident person. I always had been. When other girls fretted over whether their stays were laced tightly enough, or if their hair was styled in the most recent fashion, I always knew precisely how I looked. I'd never felt that I was less beautiful or clever or capable as other women. Until Seth Maxwell came into my life. I racked my mind endlessly for an answer to Seth's rejection. Why had he said what he did? What about me was so off putting that he could not force himself to take my hand? To be near me? In the days that followed, he positively avoided me. If I came to the upper deck, he descended below, and did not eat with us. Levi could tell all was not well. He watched me curiously as the Captain hastily left every room I entered. But, bless him, he knew me well, and knew I would tell him what had gone wrong in my own time. And more than ever before, I wanted to talk to Elias. When I remembered I could not, the grief that filled me was nagging and stubborn.

My confusions quickly turned to sorrow, as I realized I'd done exactly what I'd so hoped to avoid. I'd been selfish and hasty, and in confessing my feelings, I'd destroyed the friendship I held so dear. And then, that sorrow turned to anger. Anger at Seth for giving me such a brief moment of hope, before shutting me away. For leaving me behind without so much as a decent explanation.

The day came at last when New York harbor came into view, like a distant mountain on the horizon. The moment I saw it, I wanted to jump into the water and race to the shore. I couldn't describe my relief at being home, and instantly, I thought of how desperately I wanted to talk to James. He would absolutely love all I had to tell him about William's advances. Of course, I wasn't sure I would mention Seth. Not yet, anyway.

As we drew nearer to the dock, the bustle of passing ships and tolling bells made my heart leap. It was morning, and the sun glinted off the windows of every building in the city, making it glow ethereally. The leaves had just begun to turn color, and the trees that were dispersed between buildings were a mosaic of green, yellow and red.

"I told you you'd miss New York," Levi said, his own expression filled with excitement.

I laughed a bit, and nodded. "You were right. But do not think that means you always are."

He chortled, and put a hand on my elbow. "Come, we'll be ready to dock in a short time, and we ought to find Mother."

As I took my final steps off the ship, I was glad that I would not need to sail again in the near future. It was as fascinating as it was exhilarating, but I was exhausted, and wanted to keep my feet firmly upon the ground for as long as I could. In the morning light, New York was beginning to wake. Bells tolled in the distance, calling children to school, and sailors carted loads of goods  to be packed onto their ships. The massive, gilded carriage of a wealthy merchant rolled past, and a portly man fumbled with the keys to his shop door. The air was fresh and crisp, and it seemed as though all the anxieties that had so plagued me the last weeks were, for a moment, whisked away in the familiar waltz of New York harbor.

The entire carriage ride home, I felt entranced by the nostalgic views of the same buildings and roads I'd known almost all my life. We'd only been gone a few months, and yet, I felt as though it had been an eternity. Even as we passed a barefoot child who ran screaming after a mud caked dog, I smiled, for it felt like home. The good and the bad, the beautiful and the dilapidated...it was all my home and I had so dearly missed it. Indeed, I had not realized how much I had until I was back once more.

At last, we arrived in front of our home, and I could have cried with relief. The door was opened almost the moment the wide, spoked wheels slowed to a halt, and Samuel stood at the ready to receive our trunks. The door of the carriage opened beside me, and Seth extended a hand to help me to the ground. His eyes remained fixed on his feet, and for a moment, I considered ignoring him completely. Instead, I took his hand as lightly as possible and hurried towards the home. Hannah greeted me on the doorstep, and for a moment, I wondered why she was wearing a mourning dress. I swallowed the lump that had lodged itself in my throat.