I Love You

Facing him

I froze. How did he find me?

My first instinct was to close the door, just to breathe. He put his foot in between as if he knew what I was about to do.

 Well, I had to face him someday. Then, why not today?

I opened the door wider for him to get in.

I sat on the couch with him next to me. I didn't dare to look into his eyes. I am scared of what I would see in them.

"You left"

"I did"

It amazed me how calm we both were. I've decided a while ago that I didn't deserve him and I'm not going back to Colorado. The least I could do for him is to give him a closure and let him move on.

"Why?" If he thinks that I didn't hear the crack in his voice, he is wrong.

"Because I was stupid"

"You left without a word Kara. Tell me why."

At this point both of us didn't bother to hide our emotions. We both had tears in our eyes.

"You were supposed to come back on my birthday . I was waiting for you and you never came back. You don't know how worried I was. 

One day. You were supposed to be gone for just one day...... You were supposed to deal with whatever you had to at your parents house and come back the next day.

I wouldn't have sent you alone if I had known that you weren't planning to come back Kara"

I couldn't stop the tears rolling down my eyes.

"It wasn't like that . On my way back that day I saw your sister . She said that you went home the day before with a girl . When I came back there was a girl sleeping on the couch in your clothes. I didn't know what to think. 

I heard the shower running. I didn't want to see you . I packed some clothes and left."

He looked shocked.

"It wasn't like that. That was my friend's wife. He is in the military. They had a fight that night and she went to a bar ,got drunk and called Josh, her husband. Josh asked me to check on her.

I didn't cheat on you Ka-"

"I know . I saw her email to you." I said quietly. I was looking down focusing nowhere.

He pushed my chin up making me look into his eyes. "Then why didn't you come back"

I couldn't hold back the sob. "I was ashamed. You gave me everything and I didn't even trust you enough to know that you wouldn't do that to me. I don't deserve you Jake"

"Why would you say that. I would have told you everything if you stayed and talked to me."

"I was scared that you would say you didn't love me anymore. I thought you would be happy if I leave "

He looked mad. He had every right to be. "What exactly did Sarah tell you?"

I looked away. "Kara, look at me."

"She said that the girl you bought home suited you better. That you never loved me. That you were better off without a lunatic like me."

"And you believed it? And left? Just like that?" He was shaking my shoulders. I didn't know who he was mad at. Me or his sister.

"Everything between us were so surreal and I was expecting something like this to happen. And when Sarah said that I believed it. I'm sorry." 

He held me to his chest while I cried. 

" It was Sarah who changed her that night. I asked Sarah to come home when I was on my way back with Allie." He said once I calmed down.

"Does she hate me that much to say that to me?"

"It's not you who she hates." He said with a sad smile.

It was her who his mother left him with when he was a kid. Sarah raised him. She never really liked him though. She would say mean things. The only reason he didn't cut her off from his life was that she was his only relative left.

"She is jealous Kara, she always had been. She doesn't have the happiness I have when I'm with you. She never got the love you give me. She doesn't hate you. No one could."

"You don't?"

"I love you Kara." With that he kissed me. It felt good to have his lips on me after what we both have gone through. 

I pushed him away. He looked at me questioningly. "I taste like whiskey."

"You do." He chuckled and kissed me again.

***