Now & Then (A Newland High School story)

4:00 am

"So I guess you should start packing then?"

"Aric, don't do this."

"What am I supposed to do? You're going to college two thousand miles away. I'm never going to see you. You're leaving me. The least I can do is help you pack." He's still looking at the paper, now held between his fingers.

"I'm not 'leaving you'. I'm taking advantage of an opportunity that was given to me."

"Why didn't you tell me about this?"

"I already told you I just got the acceptance letter today. When I was waitlisted in the fall, I'd assumed it was a lost cause. You're not listening to anything I'm saying."

"I know. I'm sorry. I'm just...fuck, Lilly." He runs his hand through his hair. "I thought we were going to be together forever. Maybe that was stupid."

"We still will be." I set the paper back on the desk and grip his hands. "Just because I'm going to California doesn't mean we have to be over."

His eyes flick to mine and the next words don't need spoken. He's thinking of his parents. The long distance between them. His dad's cheating.

"I would never hurt you," I whisper.

"I'm pretty sure everyone says that at some point."

"So what? You don't even want to try? You want to just end it? You want to end us?"

He sighs, and I see resignation in his eyes. I'm not sure what's being resigned, however.

"Tell me this, Lilly. Have you told your parents about 'us'?"

My heart hits my stomach. "Why does that matter?"

He looks at the floor, shaking his head. "I'm such an idiot. I got a job, just to try to make you happy, so maybe you finally wouldn't be ashamed of me. And what are you doing? Leaving me to go on to bigger and better things."

"I'm not ashamed of you." Tears that I tried to fight are spilling down my face now and I rub them away with my palm. I have to find a way to fix this. I can't lose him. But it's almost morning and I'm exhausted. "Can we please just go to sleep? And talk about this tomorrow? I'll call you after church."

He nods, not speaking, but I think his eyes are shining as well. "Okay. We'll figure this all out later."

Before he can leave out of the window, I grab his sleeve. "Can you lie with me? For just a little awhile. I don't want you to leave."

His smile is sad. "You hate endings."

I try to ignore the punch those words caused and begin leading him to my bed. "Is that what it would be? An ending?"

"No." Why do I feel like he's patronizing me? I rest my head on his chest as he wraps his arm around my shoulders. My favorite spot. I'm instantly more relaxed.

"All night, ever since I read that letter, I've been thinking about us," I whisper. "All these memories of our past have been hitting me randomly."

"Like what?"

"Like our project for Intro to Lit, and our first kiss, and when we first said 'I love you', and our first...other things."

"Yeah." He squeezes me a little tighter and I can hear the smile in his voice. "Those are good memories."

"But I think they've all been coming to me as a sign." I trace circles along his arm. "A sign that we shouldn't give up on us."

I feel him nod, but he doesn't say another word.