While You Were Gone

Third Month

Mo Yeon was having a busy morning. She had three surgeries since the early morning and now, she sat tiredly at the hospital lounge, leaning on the chair with her eyes closed. She opened it when she felt her phone vibrated, her mother sent her a message, asking how she was. Mo Yeon smiled and sent a reply, saying she was doing alright.

The truth was, she indeed doing fine. Her busy schedule keeping her distracted and as time went by, she almost could endure the pain which was still lingering in her heart. Mo Yeon paused when she saw Si Jin's call sign on her log list, her thumb slowly tapped the name and then, hesitated when she saw the deleted button.

At the same moment, a cup of chocolate appeared in front of her and she lifted her head, seeing Dr. Song smiled at her and Mo Yeon suddenly remembered the moment she gave Si Jin a cup of sugar drink in Urk.

"It seems like you need sugar."

"Do you want to share it?"

As quick as her memory appeared, it changed into Dr. Song's face and Mo Yeon snapped into reality in an instant.

"You had a busy morning. I think you need it," the senior doctor said while smiling.

Mo Yeon blinked and then, smiled back. She took the cup from Dr. Song and took a sip. The senior doctor sat next to her and patted her shoulder.

"What a busy day," he said while sighing.

She smiled. "It is."

Dr. Song took a good look on Mo Yeon. Comparing to the early days of Captain Yoo's death, she looked better now. Either she could accept the truth the soldier would never return or because the time healed her or she was too busy to think about her grief. For Dr. Song, either of the options was good for Mo Yeon.

"You're doing fine."

Mo Yeon chuckled lightly. "I'm trying."

The senior doctor smiled grimly. "I know it hurts, but life is still going on. I'm glad you choose to continue your life, Mo Yeon."

She shrugged. "When I think about it, I know Si Jin would want me to do it anyway."

"How is it now when you remember Captain Yoo?"

Mo Yeon sighed. "A bit painful, but at least, I'm not crying anymore when I mentioned his name or when someone did. Strangely, I only remember the good moments, so maybe it helps me to heal."

The senior doctor smiled again. "That's good. Rather than focus on how to forget the pain, it's better if you focus on how to make you heal."

Mo Yeon sighed deeply. "As much as I want it, I don't think I can forget him."

"I don't ask you to forget him, just the pain. I know you can do it."

"Do you think I can?"

Dr. Song looked at Mo Yeon. "Do you want to?"

Silence.

"Maybe," Mo Yeon finally answered.

Dr. Song blew a breath. "We're going to have some fun this weekend. Do you want to come?"

"Is it real this time?"

The senior doctor chuckled. "It is. Will you come with us?"

Mo Yeon took a deep breath and looked over the window. "The season is going to change soon. I'm sorry, but there's something I need to do. Maybe later."

Dr. Song smiled slightly and patted Mo Yeon's shoulder before raising from his seat and left Mo Yeon alone with her thoughts.

     ***

On a cloudy day, Mo Yeon stood on the beach, looking at the ocean. She chose this place because she knew Si Jin loved the beach. He never told her, but she could only guess. The wind blew on her face, the sound of the waves calmed her. Mo Yeon slowly looked upon the sky and smiled with glassy eyes.

"Yoo Si Jin, can you see me now? How are you up there? Are you in better place? Is Sergeant Seo with you?"

The sound of the waves were her only answer.

"I'm sorry. You want me to forget you, but I don't think I can do that. Isn't it a good thing, though, if I still remember you until now? You told me once, I can remember that soldier's name because of my bravery and I want to do the same thing for you."

Mo Yeon took a deep breath.

"You are a jerk, do you know that? You broke your promise and just leave like that. Are you feeling sorry up there? Well, you better be. I'm going to be so angry if we ever meet again."

Another paused.

"The letter you gave me, I burned it. For me, it's better that way. I only want good memories of you."

Paused again before Mo Yeon sighed.

"The season is going to change and you're still not here. I have to accept the truth you're not coming back. Truthfully, I hope all of this is only a dream and then, when the season changed you're going to return, but I guess that's not going to happen."

She smiled. "Don't worry. I'm fine. Wherever you are, I want you to be happy too, Yoo Si Jin."

Mo Yeon lowered her head and slowly raised her hand to her neck. As she began to take off the necklace, she also remembered the time when Si Jin gave it to her.

"It's pretty."

"People usually ask if the other person likes it."

"All right. Do you like it?"

"Yes. Isn't it pretty?"

"It's amazing."

The memory ended the same time Mo Yeon finally took off the necklace from her neck. She stared at the ocean while holding Si Jin's present on her hand.

First, the letter and now, the necklace.

Mo Yeon knew it was a long way for her to heal from the pain of losing Si Jin.