While You Were Gone

Ninth Month

"So, you want to do the volunteer job on Captain Yoo's anniversary?" Dr. Pyo asked Mo Yeon in her office.

The latter nodded. Her friends already knew about her plan.

"Do you want to set a table for him?"

Mo Yeon went still.

If she did, that meant she accepted the fact Si Jin would never come back forever, but another part of her wanted to believe he was still alive somewhere. For a doctor, no bodies found meant more than 80% chances that the victims were alive.

"Do you think he's still alive?"

Mo Yeon blinked in surprise.

Si Jin often said she was the one who could read his mind, but to her, it was Dr. Pyo who could understand what was going on in her mind.

"Is it wrong if I think he's alive?" Mo Yeon asked in return.

Dr. Pyo smiled knowingly. "No, it's not. As a doctor, I understand. But, it has been nine months and there are no signs of him that said otherwise."

Mo Yeon smiled bitterly. "It has been nine months and if he's alive, why don't he come to see me?"

"You have to let him go, Mo Yeon."

"I already did," Mo Yeon said defensively.

"Did you?"

Mo Yeon stared at her friend. "What do you mean by that?"

Dr. Pyo sighed and held Mo Yeon's hand. "Yes, you are grieving and mourning. For the past nine months, I can see you're trying to be strong, but I know you never really let him go."

Mo Yeon looked at Dr. Pyo with sad eyes. "What is it means by letting him go? Forget him?"

"I didn't say you have to forget him," Dr. Pyo stated. "The fact that you still keep him in your memories is a good one. Keeping the bad memories about him only makes you suffer more. All I want to say is you have to accept you're not going to see him forever and wish him to rest in peace."

The latter caused Mo Yeon to take a deep breath. "I don't even know how." They couldn't find Si Jin's body and according to Myeong Ju, the army did a symbolic funeral, but Mo Yeon never went to the cemetery. For her, it was useless giving her prayers to an empty grave.

"Captain Yoo is in the army, right? I read somewhere, long ago, soldiers gave respect to their fallen comrades in the battlefield by lit a lantern and released it to the sky while wishing them to rest in peace."

"Flying lantern? I thought it only happened for the festivals."

"In some countries, flying lanterns have different meanings. Well, it's only my suggestion."

Mo Yeon pursed her lips. "Where can I find this flying lantern?"

                                                                                     ***

Although her friend already gave her a suggestion about giving respect to a fallen soldier, it took Mo Yeon almost two weeks to finally wanted to fly her lantern. She looked over the internet about it and found out some temples could give her one or two. On her day off, Mo Yeon went to a temple not far from her place to pick up her lantern. When she stepped out from her car, she looked up and saw leaves were flying around her.

Mo Yeon smiled sadly.

The season has changed again and he still hasn't come back to her.

Her friend was right.

It was time for her to let him go.

Mo Yeon called Myeong Ju and offered her to do the same and to her surprise, Myeong Ju agreed. They promised to see each other by the end of the month.

When the day arrived, Mo Yeon and Myeong Ju went to the beach after the day turning dark. Both girls held their lanterns while looking up to the starry sky.

"Do you think they're looking at us right now?" Myeong Ju asked.

Mo Yeon sighed. "I hope so."

"I hope so too because I'm so angry at Dae-young."

The doctor could only chuckled.

"Do you still keep Si Jin's letter?" Suddenly, Myeong Ju asked.

Mo Yeon smiled sadly. "No. I thought I could heal my pain if I didn't see it, but I did read it. How about you?"

"I haven't read Dae-young's letter."

"You haven't?"

Myeong Ju shook her head. "No. I don't want to read it until I die."

"I see."

"I understand why you want to do this," Myeong Ju said again. "I also have the same thoughts on how to give my respect to him. I just never thought you will come up with this idea."

Mo Yeon shrugged. "Dr. Pyo suggested it."

"Tell her my gratitude."

"I will."

And then, Myeong Ju sighed. "Ready?"

Mo Yeon nodded.

They both held their lanterns and then, lit the fire. Mo Yeon released her hold on her lantern and smiled when she saw it was floating to the sky.

'Yoo Si Jin, thank you for everything. May you rest in peace. Don't worry about me. I'm doing fine,' Mo Yeon said in her heart.

Both girls watched their lanterns for a while, wishing deeply their men could rest in peace and they could find the strength to continue on living without them.

                                                                             ***

Author's Note:

I keep thinking on a way for the girls to finally let their men go while they don't even know how to give their prayers, for the bodies can't be found, and the flying lantern wins in the end.