Surviving Without Him

Breaking Down.

*Taylor's POV*

I woke up at 2 am. I was sobbing and panting. I had a dream that we were back in the hospital, only this time Alex died too. It was the worst dream I'd ever had.

I need to stop replaying that dream. I took a deep breath and sat up trying to forget it.

The only problem is the more I forgot the dream, the more I remembered reality. I started having flashbacks.

*Flashback*

"Taylor! Please don't tell me you've never wanted a giant tree house in your backyard!" Harry was pleading. He was trying to convince me to build a treehouse in my backyard.

"Yeah, but not anymore. We'd never use it, Har."

"Yes we would! We could have romantic picnics under the stars up there or we could watch movies. Think of all the possibilities!" Harry said getting excited. I giggled. I loved when he gets excited like this.

"Fine, but you have to build it!"

"Deal!"

*New flashback*

"Taylor, what's wrong?" Harry had just walked into the house to see me crying looking at the laptop screen.

"How can people say these things harry? Don't they know that were people with feelings? How on earth can someone feel justified to say these things to people? Especially people they've never met." I was sobbing into my hands. Harry runs to my side and pulls me into his arms.

"Because they're mean inconsiderate jerks. They're jealous of how insanely talent and downright gorgeous you are, Taylor. Plus, you're dating the hottest male celebrity," Harry says chuckling at the last part. He releases me slightly and tilts my chin to look in his eyes, "I love you and I hate that people do this you. Just please don't believe them because they're so so wrong."

"Promise you'll never leave me, harry? No matter what people say about us?"

"I promise Taylor. I will never ever leave you."

*End of flashback*

But he didn't keep that promise.

He left me.

Just like he promised he never would.

I was now sobbing hysterically and trying to regain my breath. I had held together pretty strong so far, but I guess now everything was coming undone.

I was breaking.

Flashbacks of him and us kept running through my mind giving me no space to think. It was like their racetracks were completely covering my mind.

I just wanted to scream. I covered my ears to block out the voices, but nothing worked. I couldn't stop the memories.

I tried closing my eyes, but it only made things worse. when I closed them I saw his smile, or his eyes, or his stupidly perfect dimples.

Why did he leave me?

Why was he taken?

Those questions kept repeating in my brain. Everything was spinning and I couldn't see straight anymore. I leaned against the headboard and took a shaky breath.

"Taylor, what's going on?" Karlie said sitting up as fast as she could being half asleep.

I tried to respond but I couldn't. I could barely even breathe. I just fell into her arms and continued sobbing.

"It's going to be okay, Tay. Just focus on matching my breathing, yea?" She spoke softly as she rubbed my back.

I tried to block everything out, but feeling Karlie's chest rise and fall steadily. Eventually, it worked. The flashbacks and voices faded and my sobs turned into silent tears.

"The flashbacks weren't even sad. They were happy. Yet every time I think of him, I can't help but cry. What's going to happen when this little one starts asking about their dad? Am I just gonna burst into tears? They have the right to know anything they want about him, but what if I can't tell them?" I spoke quietly hoping, praying Karlie would have the answer.

"Taylor. It'll be easier then and think about it. You have so many people to help you talk about Harry. You even have interviews and a movie to show them. So even if you can't tell them, you can show them."

"I don't know how I'm going to do this on my own, Kar. I can barely even be in this house for too long without looking at something that reminds me of him and makes me want to cry again!"

"You don't have to. I'll stay just like Selena is and we can help you. It'll be just like full house! And as for the house, maybe you should move back to New York. Not right away or anything, but maybe change could help." She suggests.

"I'll definitely think about it. Thank you for deciding to stay Karlie. It means so much." I said smiling weakly up at her.

"Of course, taylor! That's what I'm here for." She smiles back at me.

After that, we both go silent. It's a comfortable silence. It's content and peaceful and almost forgetful because for a moment, I was able to forget. And after a while it becomes so comfortable and forgetful that I actually fall asleep and for that, I'm thankful.

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A.N.
Hope you guys like it!