The Healer- A Draco Malfoy Fanfiction

Chapter 36

The next day, I went to the library alone.

When I arrived, I pulled every book on murder that I could find, starting with the killing curse.

As expected, there was not much. Only the bare minimum regarding the killing curse was present in the scholastic texts that I could access. The rest was locked away in the restricted section.

"The Killing Curse [see: Appendix U; Unforgivable Curses] is regarded as one of the most difficult, and sinister, curses for a spellcaster to produce. In addition to the requirement that the spellcaster be a skilled wizard, they must also possess the intention and malice to kill. The Killing Curse was deemed Unforgivable in 1717..."

This information was useless. I already knew that the spellcaster needed the intent to kill- but just what did that mean? Murder confounded me. As a Healer, the idea of killing somebody was foreign and just flat-out inconceivable. The very thought of it made me shiver.

I opened a book I pulled from the small Muggle section of the library. It was a criminal psychology journal by the British Psychological Society. It was published in 1927, so it was likely long overdue for an update; but I nonetheless flipped to the index and searched for murder.

I had more luck with this book than the last one, even though this text referenced only Muggle criminals. A Swedish psychologist had conducted multiple interviews with Muggle murderers to try and understand why they committed the crime. The psychologist had a few theories; he cited selfishness as one potential reason, and antisocial tendencies as another. But, the psychologist concluded that regardless of the motive for murder, the decisive force behind it stemmed from a person's weakness.

"This weakness, or general unfitness, is found among murderers in various forms, which, superficially regarded, most certainly do not appear to possess any psychological affinity, but which are all, at bottom, means of escape from the realities of life, with which the socially unfit are unable to cope."

I continued reading stiffly, hunting for anything concrete that could differentiate these murderers from Draco. But the more that I read, the more I came to realize that I did not know Draco's mind as well as I thought I did. I used to regard Draco as invincible. But now... after seeing how worried he was, I found myself questioning if he did have, as this journal described, a weakness.

I closed the book. I don't know why I was trying so hard to justify to myself that Draco was above murder when I've known this whole time that he had the intent to kill. I think I was just fooling myself this whole time because I didn't want to believe it.

But... even though Draco insisted he was capable, I saw the look of dread in his eyes when he thought for a moment that the Cabinet was fixed. There must be a part of him that believes he can't do it. And that was a good thing, right?

Draco had said something to me at the Manor, which at the time I regarded as cryptic and not of any importance. But it made me wonder now if it actually was a clue as to why Draco was so hell-bent on completing his task even though it troubled him greatly.

"You clearly don't know what happens to people who disobey an order given to them by the Dark Lord."

Maybe- just maybe.... The Dark Lord was threatening Draco with something. He was exploiting one of Draco's weaknesses. But even as one of Draco's closest confidants, I didn't know of any weakness of his.

I felt helpless. I couldn't change anything about the task, and I certainly didn't have any other ideas as to how Draco could kill Dumbledore without using the killing curse. All I could do was attempt to distance him from it, distract him as much as possible while still not interfering too much. I had to give him the love and support that these murderers in the journal did not have.