Nova's Reign

F.Y.I: Not my fault

Nova.

"Nova for God's sake why the fuck did you do that! We've talked about this nova you can't keep doing this shit I'm tired of it."

Part 28351829 of getting this dumbass lecture with me looking out the car window like a heart broken singer. I know y'all are wondering what the fuck happened. So am I.

But fear not you flukes, I'm pretty sure as soon as I walk in this house I'll get the whole rundown.

"Get in the damn house and DONT even think about going to your room. Your father will be home shortly."

I sighed rolling my eyes before sliding out of the car seat and dragging myself to the front door. I flopped onto the couch ready for the finale.

I'm tired of this shit. Of not knowing what I did.... of not knowing what happened. It's fucking scary.

"Nova..... why did you do that to that boy! He's going to press charges! You're only 18 nova you can't -"

She broke into sobs. Crying her heart away with heart wrenching gasps as if she wasn't gonna make it. I'm sorry mama. Sorry I'm so fucked and the farthest thing you deserved for a child but I'm not like this by choice.

I would've hugged her, and told her everything was gonna be fine. But I'd be lying.... and I'm high as a fucking kite right now.Where did I find time to get high? Mind your business.

"Nova you have to stop this behavior! I don't know what to do at this point I can't keep doing this!"

Bitch. You see I'm drowning and can't help myself and now you chose to say fuck it? You don't get to say fuck it if I can't! And I can't because I can't run from myself!

She looked at me shocked. I wore a face of confusion until I realized I didn't say that in my mind. It was outloud, flowing like word vomit. Fuck. Shoutout to bipolar disorder!

" reign! How could you say that to me after everything I've done for you!"

My eyes welled up with tears and my mind was fighting for a feeling. I couldn't make myself calm down because of my damn anxiety, so that pissed me off and made me sad triggering the fucking bipolar disorder and now I'm depressed because I can't fucking function..... it's crazy how fucked up shit supports each other more than good shit.

"I didn't ask for this shit mama!"

"No one asked for this shit nova!"

"THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU BLAMING ME FOR IT THEN!!"

she held her tounge looking at me. I couldn't decipher what the fuck that look meant and that pissed me off.

"WHAT MAMA! WHAT!"

"Nova... you need to take responsibility for your actions."

What.

"Wha-what? You think I purposely black out and do this shit for fun! You think I make myself have these fucking problems?"

She just stayed silent. Making me stay in my damn thoughts. That's the worst thing she could fucking do is leave me in my damn thoughts. I over analyze everything.

I don't know why or when... but I started sobbing. Balling my fucking eyes out like the fucking Niagara Falls. My knees buckled and like that I was on the fucking ground.

Ugh! Why the fuck can't I control any fucking thing! I felt her presence. As if she was gonna hug me and that pissed me off because she was the reason I crying like a bitch. So I pushed her.

"Ahh! Nova calm down!"

"Fuck you." I spit bitterly. My god. My body was turning hot and cold and sweat was just tumbling down my fucking forehead. My heart was beating out of my chest and I was furious. But I couldn't tell you why.