Back to me - A Kierlus (Kiera X Caylus) Story

Chapter 12 - Found

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For the days that followed, Caylus was inconsolable. He became quiet and rarely ever replied to what Kiera was saying. The colour drained from his face. The spark in his eyes had died. Kiera's ray of sunshine was fading away.. fast. She tried her best to comfort him, but he never showed any signs of whether it was working or not. Except for at night, when he thought Kiera was asleep. He would turn over to face her. Kiera would be completely covered with a blanket except for a crack. She would look at him through the blanket, but made sure Caylus couldn't see she was awake. He would smile lovingly at her, then he would whisper, 

"I love you, I still love you, just give me some time."

Kiera heard every word of what he said. It would remind her to keep going, she would keep trying to comfort him as he dealt with what he was going through. She had to.

Caylus wanted to avoid any conversations about his family (his ex-family?) and avoided any calls he got from his father. He just didn't want to accept the reality that he was truly alone. He felt guilty for what he was doing to Kiera. He couldn't understand why she still comforted him even though he gave her the silent treatment. He just couldn't seem to form the words to answer what she was saying. He wanted to get better for her, for them. But he couldn't shake of the feeling that he was a nobody in this world, he couldn't live up to his surname. He was lost. 

Caylus had become accustomed to a routine, 

Wake up.

Eat.

Sleep.

Repeat.

He felt as if his life had no meaning. He hadn't posted a video in weeks. He just couldn't bring himself to do it. He wouldn't be doing his fans justice, by posting a video where he held no passion for what he was doing. Youtube has always been his passion, he just wasn't feeling like it right now, but he still wanted to get back into doing Youtube too.

He still loved Kiera dearly, nothing would ever change that, her patience was the only thing that kept him going, he knew she still believed in him. He knew she still loved him full-heartedly, even if he wasn't her ray of sunshine. You can't always be happy for everyone else, and if Caylus becoming more quiet and reserved was a way for him to deal with whatever he was going through, she fully understood that. This alone, made Caylus fall in love with her all over again. She was just so considerate and caring. She just wanted the best for him, even if that meant having to see him in his state. It probably broke Kiera to see Caylus look in the mirror with disappointment, thinking that he had failed everyone. And it did, but she knew that somehow, he would get through this. Even when she could hear sniffling when he thought she was asleep, even when there were days he wouldn't get up. She just knew he could do this. She just knew it.

 Even though Caylus felt worthless, a little bit of him knew he was lying to himself, and that part if him grew larger by the day..

 As the months progressed, he was visibly getting much better. He stopped tearing up and night whenever he thought of his ex-family. He whispered 'i love yous' to Kiera more and more every night. He even began to ask if she was awake. Kiera almost always answered yes, then he would tell her how much he loved her, how much he cherished her. And those few times Kiera was asleep, he would whisper it so he would not wake her. He had originally only told her this when he thought she was asleep because this was like a sort of therapy, if she was asleep, she couldn't judge him, or tell him that she didn't love him back. He knew that was almost impossible because that didn't match her actions, however, this was during the early days of his depressive episode. Where he thought he couldn't be loved, not if his family had to abandon him.  And all of a sudden he just became a happier person and Kiera just couldn't understand why.

Little did she know, it was her that brought Caylus this newfound happiness. Over time, he began to ask himself why he fought his father, why did he disobey him when he was given a second chance? And that was all because of one woman, he did this all for Kiera, and as he continued to remind himself this, he became proud of himself. He did this all because he loved her, and if that wasn't a good enough reason to be happy, then he didn't know what was. It just showed how much he wanted to marry this woman. He wanted to be there comfort her when she cried, and be the reason why she laughed.

He wasn't worthless, he was worth something to Kiera, he was worth something to his Youtube fans, he was worth something to himself..

He was worth something to everyone who loved, cared and supported him, with or without his family, with or without his surname.

And that in itself, was enough.