The Sharpest Lives.

Chapter 4: Chemical Kids (Frank's POV)

Gerard was frowning at me while I was smoking my third cigarette of the night and I knew it was because he was so intrigued by my ‘’secret’’ that he was ripping his brain open trying to figure it out and man, was I having fun with it.

‘’Where are you from?’’

‘’Jersey’’

‘’I thought you had just arrived to Belleville’’

‘’I said I am from Jersey, not that I have lived here my whole life’’

‘’Okay, let me rephrase the question: where have you been these years?’’

I smiled. I had been living in ton of places, it was easier if I just told him where I hadn’t been. Well, not easier, but shorter.

‘’Just… you know, California, Ohio. Europe for like two years. Uh… I have been in Australia too’’

His eyes went bigger by each place I mentioned. His lips were parted in a blurred ‘’o’’ shape and Christ, how I wanted to kiss him. Not yet, but it was so going to happen, even if I earned myself a slap by doing it.

‘’Why?’’

Well, that was the trickiest question of them all. Why. Why had I spent my teen years running from one place to another, why did I have to change my name a ton of times, why was I only able to be called Frank since I had arrived to Belleville… why my guardian was a piece of shit and why was I condemned to live with her even if I hated every second spent in that house with a burning passion.

‘’Because of my parents’’

‘’But… your mother lives with you, doesn’t she?’’

‘’That’s not my mother, that’s my guardian'’

He remained silent for a few minutes and I knew he was gathering all the sensitivity he had to ask me if my parents were dead. I smiled and decided to save him the pain of asking such a burdensome question.

‘’Yes, my parents are dead. At least that’s what I believe it happened’’

‘’You are not sure?’’

‘’No, Gerard, I’m not. No one can be anyways, they are missing, but I prefer to say that they are dead so I don’t trick myself into false hopes’’

He looked traumatized. Man, if I knew he was going to take it that way, I’d have shut up but I thought he wanted to know more about me and I wasn’t up for lying to him. Maybe I’d hide some bits and pieces of my story, but I wasn’t going to lie to him, not if I wanted for us to have something.

‘’I-I’m sorry, Frankie’’

Wow. It was the first time he was calling me Frankie without sounding sarcastic and it made my heart skip a beat. Pft, how cheesy was I. God, I only knew the guy for like a week and I shouldn’t be doing this. I shouldn’t. But oh god, how I wanted to do it.

‘’It’s fine Gerard. Really, it’s been a while now, I’ve accepted it’’

‘’Yeah, but you shouldn’t be accepting something like that’’

‘’I’ll better get going, don’t want to keep you up all night’’

He looked at me with worried eyes. I didn’t know what was it with his eyes, but man, he did have a beautiful pair.

‘’Want to share a last cigarette?’’

Well, that was surprising. I had my doubts about Gerard wanting me to stay longer, but he looked like a lost puppy. And I couldn’t say no to his offer, even if it was the right thing to do.

‘’Sure’’

So there we were, sitting in the shadow of his room, against the wall. The Smashing Pumpkins were quietly joining us in the darkness and Gerard’s hair looked bright even without light. He closed his eyes and rested his head against the wall, it looked like he was having an internal battle against himself. His mouth opened and closed a few times, like he was going to say something but changed his mind in the last second.

‘’What is it?’’

‘’Huh?’’

He stared at me with a confused look on his eyes, obviously not noticing that I couldn’t get my eyes off him. Gerard wasn’t conscious of his own beauty, of the charisma he had been blessed with. The way he bewitched me and probably each person that dared to give him a second look and talk to him.

‘’You want to say something, just say it’’

‘’Uh… I… You… wanna stay?’’

‘’What?’’

I couldn’t help but be surprised. An hour ago he was telling me to fuck off and let him alone, that he didn’t care at all about me and now, if he was asking what I thought he was asking, he wanted me to stay the night.

‘’Look, I have seen the way that woman treats you. It must suck a fucking lot, so if you want to stay, that’s okay. My bed is king size, so there’s plenty of room for you’’

I blushed at the mention of his bed. A bed contained a lot of significance, it was usually a place for the retirement of one’s own, the place where you felt safe… where you loved someone. A bed wasn’t simply a bed, but a temple. And he was inviting me in.

‘’I-I don’t have any pajamas’’

Well done, Frank. The fucking guy is tempting you to stay with him in his own bed and you talk about your pajamas. Fucking genius, man.

‘’I could lend you a tee, it’s fine’’

I shouldn’t do it. I shouldn’t stay. It was dangerous to be away from my home, it was dangerous for Gerard to be with me. If someone caught me here, sleeping with him, it may cause him problems. But dammit, Gerard was inviting me to his bed.

‘’Okay I guess’’

We sat there awkwardly after that. I don’t know how many time went by, probably just a few minutes but they seemed like hours. I chuckled and Gerard looked at me with that rebel eyebrow of his raised. This kid was seriously oblivious about the fact that he was right down hot and sexy, wasn’t he?

‘’What?’’

‘’Well, isn’t this just awkward, dear Gerard?’’

‘’Only if we think about it as awkward, Frank’’

‘’Fair point well made, sir’’

‘’Honey, don’t call me sir, I’m a submissive bitch’’

He then winked at me and my jaw dropped to the floor. I was getting mixed messages with Gerard. One minute he was all awkward and shy and the next thing you knew he was sassing on you like a motherfucker. A hella racy motherfucker, that is.

‘’Well, baby, as much as I wanted to know whether that’s true or not, I’m getting sleepy’’

‘’Don’t call me baby, Frank’’

‘’You just called me honey’’

‘’Yeah, I know. I won’t call you honey again, just don’t okay?’’

Christ, what the hell was wrong with him? He could give all the snappy comebacks he wanted to, but at the moment you did the same to him, he turned all defensive. Then it hit me. Gerard didn’t like people, he didn’t like letting anyone in and asking me to stay the night was being such a tremendous effort and I was pushing him over the edge by calling him baby.

‘’Fine, I won’t, I promise’’

He stood up and started to close the windows, make the bed and search for a t-shirt for me. I just sat there observing every movement, the way he was a bit feminine when he moved, how his fingers were long, thin and pale and the manner they touched everything like they were caressing it. It wasn’t only the way he smoked that he turned into sex, it was everything. Gerard Way had that ability and man was it going to be the death of me.