Mikannie one-shots

Slut for Sadness

A/N: No this is not smut, sorry if the title is confusing, but I promise that quite literally as I'm posting this, I'm working on smut.

Leo_the_Lion69 inspired this. They wrote a really amazing Yumikuri fanfic that basically formed the entirety of what I thought emotional oneshots should be. They're incredible

Trigger Warning: self harm, body dysphoria, emotionally abusive relationship. Be careful please!

Her underwear is still here. I try to put it on but I'm too flat to look good in it. I'll never look as good as her. I twist to the side, running my hand up along my outer thigh. There are cuts, fresh cuts. I haven't had fresh cuts in years; since she first felt up beneath my shirt and stopped dead when she felt the skin get rough in scab. I puff out my belly and grab at the rolls of fat before drawing my stomach in as tight as possible. Annie said she liked that I wasn't super skinny. She said it made me better for cuddling. I think she was lying.

'I like that your face isn't perfectly symmetrical, it makes you more interesting to look at! I think your stretch marks and cellulite are pretty! I think it's cute how your hair is messy in the morning! But mainly, I just like them because it's part of you'

Liar.

I wish I could have believed her.

I look into my ash tray. There are the marks of her grapefruit-pink lipstick on the cigarette butts. I take one that's only half-burned out and put it in my mouth. I can smell her kiss, sweet and tangy. I can taste the memories. That day in the rain, I was cold so she gave me her hoodie. It's warm, it's white, it's safe. I had to adjust the drawstrings to fit my head, she was so tiny. And then she kissed me. With her pink-orange lipstick, energy and warm. She tasted like coffee and sugar and donuts.

"I am not responsible for your happiness, and I can't be with someone like you"
"Like me?"
"Someone who hates themselves twice as much as they love me!"

She took back her hoodie.

Bitch.

I guess I'm just a slut for sadness, and a slave for pain.

A/N this is for xx_maryq_xx  I am actively working on something closer to what you asked for (don't worry I want to) but for now here we are!

Also, just wanted to make sure none of you get the wrong message just in case, Mikasa (narrator) is the abusive one here.