Mikannie one-shots

Letter to My Love

For xx_maryq_xx my biggest supporter.

Enjoy.

_____________________
I will never forget how, when I told you I was leaving, you took it calmly. You truly were expecting me to leave. And that's the bitch of it. You said I'd leave, I promised I wouldn't, I tried to convince you I wouldn't, and then I did.

Did you ever really believe I'd stay?

I wrote a song about you, about how I dreamt of you and dreamt of future times filled with joy and merriment, but the lyrics shriveled as the sweetness went sour.

Why did you try so, so hard to hurt yourself?

You told me the details of all your friends and your family, how horribly they all abused you. You ignored me when I told you to break free from them. You could admit that they were cruel but you never stopped. The signs were all so clear, I'm sure that you could see them, you're smart. You ignored them on purpose; whether purposefully or subconsciously I don't know.

I wrote a poem about you. Your 'riverbank eyes,' 'songbird voice,' your 'sun-bright heart.' And a year later I wrote another. About how your riverbank eyes turned stormy, you songbird voice drowned when you fell from the sky, how your sun-bright heart, pure and lovely and sweet was overtaken by spilt oil and pollution.

I love you. I really, truly do. I loved you then and I love you now. I love you so much I feel an ache in my chest when I think about you. I want to hug you, I want to be there for you.

I love you, but I'm angry with you. How could you be so stupid?

I miss you. I think about you constantly. I cry all the time because I miss you so much. I just want to call you, ask you how your day was, what you're working on.

You're a writer. But I never read what you wrote. A few weeks ago I tried, but I burst into tears halfway through the second chapter of one of your stories. Because I miss you, and I miss you telling me what your were writing, and I miss telling you what I was writing. I miss hearing your voice, seeing your face. I miss you.

I hope you're happy. I really, genuinely do. I hope things are going well for you. I hope you've left the people in your life that don't treat you well and found new ones. People who love you. I hope you learn to love yourself as much as I love you.

I love you so much. So, so much. But I'm angry at you. Your masochistic quest succeeded in full. I know it's selfish, but I'm angry. Because you hurt me. Because I couldn't take on the weight of someone who fights to be more miserable. Because I love you, and I'm scared for you.

I border the line between love and hate with you. I love you, I love you so much. But all you've ever done is hurt me. And I know you didn't intend that, but still, I hate you for making me feel like this.

I love you. I love you so, so much. I miss you. I want to talk to you again more than anything else.

I love you, and I miss you, but I cannot be with someone who hates themself more than they love me.

I miss you. I'm so, so sorry.

I'm so, so sorry.
                                                   - Sincerely, Annie

A/N: I am working on cute fluff and smut in my actual structured story, Crocodile Girl, (I'm going to change the name) which is a separate story already on my profile. Anyway, until the nice stuff comes around, have some angst. Yaaaayyyy