Fragments.

Letter From a Stranger

Dear Christopher,

I do not love you. I barely know you.
But I've seen you, and heard you,
and somehow you've seen and heard me too.
There was a point in my life when I felt lost and empty.
Alone.

I didn't think anyone knew how to help me.
But you didn't let me push you away, no matter how hard I tried.

You told me I was beautiful even when I was incapable of hearing it.
You told me I was needed, when I felt absolutely worthless.

You didn't fix me. No. I needed to do that myself.
But you unknotted my brain,
and soon I pieced my fragile bones back together,
And I figured out what I needed to do.

Decisions are always hard, no matter how small,
but after days of laying in bed I decided I needed to leave.
So that's what I'm doing: leaving.
And I guess this is a goodbye.

From a half friend, who dug herself into a fucking hole,
and cried because she didn't know how to get out.

From the girl who sat next to you in class for so long,
but never said a thing.

From the one who recognized the thinly veiled rage inside you.
The one who also saw the life in your dark blue eyes.

From a girl who will miss you in ways she cannot explain to anyone.
Not to herself, and especially not to you.

I may never see you again. But if I do I'm not sure what I'll say.
Everything to say has been said in this letter.
Beyond that would be polite chatter
and meaningless comments about the weather.

How do you talk to someone you've told everything?
Someone you've spilled your heart out to?
The only person who's ever seen you cry?

You know my dark secrets,
my fears,
my faults,
and my handwriting.
You know me more than anyone in the world.

Congratulations.

Don't think I don't know I'm unable to trust.
I do not trust you.
I do not trust myself.
I don't trust my parents,
my teachers,
the politicians that run our government,
or the goody goody heroes that always win in the end.

Trusting hurts me.
It always has.

I know you probably don't realize what you have done,
how you have become so significant in my life,
though I'm so distant in yours.

Once you've read this, you'll probably forget all about me.
That's okay. I don't need to be remembered.
I just need you to read this, at least once.
I need you to know I'm grateful.
I need you to know I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Yours truly,
Alice.