𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙞 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙙 ➳ [ SPENCER REID ] [PARTS 1 & 2]

━━━━ letter 397

dear spencer,

today was crazy. like very very crazy. i was with my coworkers on the field and a victim was shot right in front of me- i ran up to her and stayed with her until the medics came to get her.

don't worry, she's okay. she made it out of surgery and is going to be perfectly fine.

but i remember now. seeing the girl get shot and laying with her until help came- it triggered a memory i didn't know that i had.

i remember what i said the night i got shot. i remember how you wanted to help me, and how i told you to let go. yet you didn't, you stayed with me- at least until i asked derek to take you off of me.

and you cried. i told you to stop, i told you to think of me in the best way you could.

and i remember starting to tell you that i wish we would've worked.

i would be lying to you if i said it wasn't true. i really wish we did. i know we never really talked about WHY we didn't work out, but i think i know why.

i truly think we were both too scared. too scared to be vulnerable around each other, too scared to tell each other how we really feel, even too scared to ask each other out (although i must say, the day you asked me to jj's wedding was slick as hell).

but it's okay that we didn't. although i don't think it would have interfered with work, maybe it was for the best. considering, you know, i "died" a few months after our first date?

i meant what i said, though. i want you to move on. if you did have strong feelings for me before i "died", and even still had those feelings for me AFTER, i would want you to forget about me and move on. well, not forget, because you can't do that, but remember me as your good friend and coworker instead of as anything more.

because you deserve more, spence. you deserve anything and everything, and right now, i can't give you either, and i never will be able to.

but that's okay. you'll be happy no matter what. just please don't let derek be your wingman, honestly just ask jj or emily to help you out because i trust their instincts more than derek's.

i miss you more and more every day
- n reid <3