Malice dixon

Chapter 31

"Mal, malice can you hear me" my eyes focus on daryl a few inches away from me "Y-ya" my voice hitches in my throat my eyes unfocusing again. My head pulses turning into an uncomfortable numb, pushing myself up I fall down the first step I take "Woah woah easy there mal" I shrug off whoever's touching me. Standing back up I walk passed the rest of the group "Malice wai-" "Let er go she'll work it out." Stumbling numbly to the perimeter I slide down the fence looking at the walkers pushing against the gate. "Breath she wanted this she said she wanted this is not your fault" The tears fall and my breathing becomes erratic. I try pulling air into my sqeezing lungs "I'm sorry" I apologize falling over the rocks digging their way into my back. I gag trying to throw up something that isn't there "Breath lucille breath" I choke out the words pulling myself up against the fence again.

Closing my eyes I force the air out of my mouth before inhaling again "She wanted this your gonna be okay." Wiping my face with the inside of my shirt I grab the fence pulling myself up. Keeping my breathing under control I block my thoughts and start dragging my feet back to the building. Walking into the yard I see glenn in the grass digging, biting my cheek I turn my head only to be met with hershels small frown.
"Are you okay" his voice holds sadness "Yea I thi-" shaking my head I close my eyes tightly trying to not let the tears fall "No I'm not actually I-I killed her hershel, I don't know what to do I can't- I don't think I can take this kind of weight." He lays his hand on my shoulder "This is what she wanted and I know you can get through this, you have made it this far. This obstacle is no different than the ones you've already beaten you will be fine I have faith in you" looking up I open my mouth to talk but decide against it. "Now come on" he goes over to the fence and I follow replaying his words.

Glenn walks up to the fence "Rick" his voice breathless hershel shakes his head "Still inside" "Okay I'll get him malice" I look up from my blood stained hands to glenn's dirt covered face a small fleeting smile breaks my tear drenched face. "I'll be fine, eventually" nodding his head he gives me a small smile before looking back at axel and oscar "A third of our group in one day" "Because of one asshole" the silence between them is short.
Before they start talking again I walk away sitting at one of the picnic tables  'She wanted this, she wanted this.'  I jump when I hear the gate open "Malice you okay out here" glenn asks standing in front of me "Yea I'll be fine out here" gently sqeezing my shoulder he pulls out his gun walking into the prison. Looking down I bite my lip "Mal" raising my gaze I smile softly at carl holding his sister "Do you want to hold her." I nod my head and he slowly walks over with Beth a step behind him.

Tears make there way down my face again as I look at the babys blood smeared face "I'm sorry carl I-I" " I don't blame you lu" he says lowly tears slowly making there way down his cheeks. Wiping the tears away I can't help but smile, carl smiles and abruptly hugs me carefully so he doesn't hurt his baby sister. Wrapping my arm around his small torso my voice comes out thick "Thank you" pulling away I wipe my tears away "Why don't we give her a bath and put her in some warm clothes" looking up at beth I give her a smile and stand up keeping a firm hold on the little girl in my arms.

Carl and Beth boil a small pot of water so we can mix it with the cooler water. Making sure the water isn't hot I slowly ease her into the warm water, wincing at the sudden scream. "Easy babygirl your alright it's alright"I reassure dipping the rag into the water. Humming softly I wipe away the blood "Here I think she'll like these" I look at the clothes in beth hands me and grab the towel carl brought wrapping it around her. "Thank you beth I think she's gon love em" drying her off I put a diaper on her and fight to put the clothes on her.
Walking around I lightly bounce her and hum softly trying my best to ease her hunger pain. "It's dark do you think they'll be back in time" looking back at beth I clear my throat to keep my voice calm "They'll be back in time." She sits down putting her chin in her palm "Beth" my head whips to the entrance "How she doin" daryl asks "She's alive" I respond putting my arms out so he can take her "Shhh Shh" everybody stands in a circle beth handing daryl a bottle filled with milk.