PULL (BXB)

In Sickness

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***Sebastian's POV***

"I'm tired. That's all. I'm just fucking exhausted." I explain the intense fatigue that I have been experiencing. It's beyond tired. There are no words for this level of energy, or lack there of.

Every single day I wake up hoping I will feel better. I am strongly disappointed. Today is much the same. I can't get out of bed without assistance. I can barely move my head without a wave of dizziness threatening to pull me into submission.

The nausea is far beyond anything I have experienced in the past. Smells, sights and even sounds make me hurl. I don't know what this new round of medication is. I just know that it is unpleasant. My body seems to be rejecting my very existence.

"This is the last treatment. I knew it would be rough. After this, we can run more tests to see where we are. I don't know if it helps, but you do really well with it. Honestly, you're my easiest patient. I will give you something a little stronger for the nausea." Dr. Parson's pats me on the shoulder as his nurses start my treatment. I'm used to this. In four hours they will add a second medicine. The last one goes on for the eighth hour.

I get comfortable for what I know will be a long day. Thankfully, the meds that they shoot me with always put me to sleep. I smile at my loving boyfriend. Mark sits beside my bed reading off of his phone. He expects me to fall asleep. He encourages it.

When I wake, I am greeted by the nurses as they remove everything. We agree to come in next week for the necessary tests. Dr. Parson's sends my script to the pharmacy. We say goodbye as I am wheeled out to the car.

The ride to the pharmacy is a haze. I gaze between Mark and the window. I try not to focus on the movement. It will surely end in me expelling the non-existent food in my stomach.

As we pull into the parking garage I am greeted by my favorite genius. Mak anxiously waits as we stop the car. Mark doesn't open his door before Mak flies over to my side. Mak opens my door while offering me his precious hand. I take his fingers in my own as I lean into him for support.

The front door welcomes me. Grey opens the door for us as we make our way in. Grey takes over on my left to help me to the couch. I barely wince without anyone noticing. Six hands fly up to ghost over my skin as they guide me into a seat on the couch. I smile softly through the pain I feel in every inch of my body.

"Last one." Mak takes a seat in front of me on the floor. He smiles widely as he pulls the blanket around me, tucking me in snuggly. I roll to my side to keep eye contact with my friend. Make gets comfortable while he turns the television on for us. I am already getting tired, again. I just want to sleep.

"Yeah, hopefully." I admit the truth. I am done with this shit. I don't think my body can take much more. The physical pain is only half as taxing on the emotional toll all of this is taking on me.

I don't fall asleep. My mind takes me down a strenuous journey of what if's. I don't recommend ever allowing myself to go down my mind's paths. Unfortunately, I am in no form to turn and run.

The idea of losing my self to this disease dances along the edges of my thoughts. It brings me discomfort. My heart aches, thumping slowly, painfully. To never spend another day with my breathtaking Mark, it makes me sick to think of.

If I am unable to recover fully, I won't be the type of companion Mark deserves. He can make it without me. It is I who cannot think beyond a world where Mark does not exist solely for my heart to love.

I can feel the sting behind my eyes. The burn reminds me that I am still here. I am fighting. It's an exhaustive idea to think that I will battle this for years to come. It does not make me want to give in. No. It makes me want to pick up my weapons to wage war against my own system.