Already Mine (Lalex)

Chapter ten

Garage/Studio Monday 11:57pm 1994

Alex Pov

After pacing back and forth on Hollywood Avenue, making sure I gave Luke the time to leave the studio, I made my way back to the garage. I lock the doors behind me before I kick off my sneakers and throw myself onto the couch. I stare up at the ceiling with tears built up in my eyes. My chest tightens. I find myself lying still, hoping to drift away to sleep before I completely fall apart.

I feel shattered and broken. Anyone who says that a break up only ends with one broken heart has clearly never been so deeply in love with someone who couldn't give you what you needed. Not wanted, but needed. They clearly never felt the sufferable feeling of their throat closing after those final words of heartbreak and self respect flow out.

Throughout the whole relationship I was tearn between knowing I shouldn't be with him but also feeling like I can't be without him, that if I left I would never love anyone as much as I love him. It surprises me how the pain of finally choosing to live without him could make me feel like I've lost everything that has ever brought my happiness. I can't even look at my drums from across the room without cringing.

I'm scared of becoming strong, because for nine months this boy was my weakness. My heartbreak will become a lesson. I will learn to never give anyone a special place in my heart. They won't be able to hurt me anymore than I hurt myself. I wont allow them to hide me away and treat me as though they are ashamed of the one they claim to love. I will only accept what I deserve, and I now know I deserve what Luke was limiting. I used to think that love could melt away the pain, but it turns out that pain melts away the love. It's heart wrenching how I tried my hardest to be the perfect one, but it was never enough for him. I used to never think I was an option for him. But I was just an option and he had better alternatives.

I allow myself to drift into a restless sleep, hoping to wake up to no memory of him.

_______________________

Lukes Bedroom Tuesday 12:03am 1994

Luke's Pov

I toss and turn in my bed, holding Alex's pink champions hoodie he left at my place close to my chest, inhaling his scent as the hoodie soaks up my fallen tears.

"Stupid Stupid Stupid!" I sob. How can I be so brainless?! How could I push us to the point where he had to end things?

My heart has never been ripped at and tugged at so much in one night. Losing him was always the worst thing I could have ever imagined. To see him smile, laugh, celebrating small achievements, and even just pouting about a failing grade, and now knowing I will no longer be in those moments I used to cherish so deeply tears me apart. I will never get used to waking up everyday and remembering every single moment we ever shared.

"I'm so sorry Alex." I mutter before falling into a restless sleep.

_______________________

Garage/Studio Thursday 3:29pm 1994

Three mornings of wishing I'd had woken up with amnesia to erase our broken memories. Three school days of Alex being absent. Three afternoons of Alex ditching band practice. And three nights of crying myself to sleep as I long for him.

The boys and I decided to ditch the white elephant party last night and spend our time on the beach and coming up with some killer lyrics.

Alex has done an excellent job at ghosting me. Reg and Bobby tell me that they haven't heard from him since that Monday evening. It's as if he's gone completely off the grid. The boys and I have been doing our best to rehearse without our drummer for the battle of the bands that takes place in exactly a week.