Love Me Like That

Chapter 13

13

“Don’t worry too much. I’m really fine.” I kept on persuading him. 

Ngayon ay nakahiga na kami muli sa kama nang magkayakap. 

Actually, I was the one hugging him too tight. I just couldn’t let him go. The lights were dim inside, kaya siguro nakadagdag iyon sa lamig ng kwarto. Ang munting ilaw na lang mula sa lamp ang nagbibigay liwanag sa loob.

“I’m trying my best to get over this.” Dagdag ko pa. 

“What are your plans?” He asked.

“I forgive him.” Panimula ko. Nakita ko naman ang matalim na tingin na ibinigay niya sa akin.

But I only smiled at ipinagpatuloy ang sasabihin. 

“But forgiveness does not mean that that fucking guy must be let off the hook. He had to suffer the consequences of his actions. Regardless kung natuloy man o hindi. O kung napatawad ko na o hindi.”

I touched his face and caressed it lovingly. 

I realized that was what I have been wanting to do, kaya ko itinago ang video at kung bakit ko kinuhaan ng litrato ang bawat sugat na natama ko. 

At this point, it’s not really about revenge, or getting even. It’s just simply me wanting him to take responsibility for his actions. 

Pakiramdam ko kailangan niya matuto. Kyo was a good man. I could not fully resent him just because of his one mistake.

Kailangan niya lang maintindihan na may limitasyon ang desperasyon. Hindi lahat kaya niyang makuha.

And I think he is willing to take responsibility for it, I hope he is willing.

“You’ve been through a lot. Wala man lang akong alam.” 

I kept on caressing his face. Ipinatong ko ang isang hita sa beywang niya. 

“Not your fault. Ako ang hindi nagsabi.”

“I hope I can be someone you can rely on.” Malungkot niyang sabi sakin. 

“You are reliable.”

“Pakiramdam ko ang dami kong pagkukulang.”

“Just don’t get tired of me…that’s enough.” 

I heard him take a deep breath. 

“Kyo had always been desperate. But this time, he’s below the line.”  He said. 

“I know.” I felt him kiss my forehead. 

“Please let me help you get through this. Don’t shut me down?” 

I nodded at his request, at muli siyang nagsalita. 

“Let’s start by being truthful,” Simula niyang muli. “About the offer, sa totoo lang, muntik na rin akong pumayag noong sinabi mong kunin ko ‘yun. I realized na makakatulong nga ‘yon, para wala nang magawa ang magulang mo. But I couldn’t force myself to do it. I couldn't risk being away from you. Hindi dahil wala akong tiwala, pero dahil hindi ko na yata kaya na wala ka. You’re part of my plans now.” 

I was touched by his truthfulness. 

“I’m sorry, I was scared. Natatakot ako na baka sa loob-loob mo, iyon talaga ang gusto mo. At baka magsisihan lang tayo sa dulo, because of the opportunities you missed. I know you are ambitious, Nikolai. I thought that imposing that you should go...will get rid of the bug that might possibly ruin us in the future. Not knowing I was ruining the present.”