If I Lay Here

Chapter 7 ❗️

(Talking about abuse, depression, anxiety, and suicide!)

I'll kill myself when I truly want to. With no regrets.

"Kageyama! Hey!" Sugawara shouted. Kageyama shook his head and looked up at grey haired boy.

Sugawara sat on the floor, criss-cross, facing Kageyama who was leaning against a wall, legs out in front of him. He offered a warm smile, to which Kageyama did not return. Instead, he sighed loudly, understanding the current situation.

A while ago, he had ran from his classroom to the courts, not even stopping to meet up with Hinata.

He grabbed Sugawara on the way and they ran together. To other students leaving, it looked odd seeing two boys running through the hallways. Little did they know that the teason Kageyama wanted to talk to Sugawara was because Kageyama felt he needed to talk about recent activities.

He didn't need to rush anything, but with the thoughts he was having earlier... it's better to talk than keep silent. He knew that for a fact—but it wasn't going to be easy.

"So..." Kageyama zoned out for a second, readying himself.

"What's the emergency?" Sugawara asked jokingly, reaching his hand out to nudge Kageyama's shoulder. Kageyama stared awkwardly at the other boy then looked at his hands resting in his lap. 

Lying is okay sometimes...right?

"It's not an emergency," he replied quickly.

"Yeah, alright. Spill!" Sugawara said firmly. He wanted to get straight to the point. He knew something was up.

"Uh- Well you see-" Kageyama thought for a moment, "-I'm in trouble! Daichi knows about it!" he said loudly, quietly saying a few moment afterwards, "yeah...?"

There was a long silence between the two before Kageyama looked up at Sugawara and explained what he meant in a very weird manner.

He was very repetitive with his words—almost nothing made sense. His mind was flooded with thoughts of wanting to die and how he would do it, but at the same time he kept that part of him hidden away from everyone else.

Although his explanation was horrible, he was glad that he was able to speak without being interrupted. If it were anyone else, he would have been not only interrupted but interrogated like there was no tomorrow.

"So, you mean to tell me that you, Kageyama, got in trouble with a teacher-"

"Fired teacher... For serious reasons!" Kageyama corrected.

"Yeah, fired teacher. And now your life is on the line? What?" Sugawara blinked and rubbed his aggressively thinking that everything he said was

fake. Obviously it wasn't. Why would Kageyama joke about that?

I guess I may be too sarcastic?

Another reason to kill himself.

"I mean, the teacher was basically threatening the whole class. It was very awkward though. I'm not doing that again!"

"Oh,"

Sugawara sat there, leaning on the palms of his hands and looked up at the ceiling, rolling his head.

It was visible to see the sweat on his neck starting to slither down into his shirt.

The day needed to end soon or else Kageyama felt he would implode. He wanted too.

Hinata would be so much better off without him.

Stop it. Hinata is okay, he always is!

"Is it cool if we get the whole team here? I feel like it would be better to talk to a whole group, I'm not sure what you really want from me," Sugawara said gently, standing up and stretching.