hearts formed by solicitude and desolation

⌈ 17 ⌋

ᏞᎾᎪᎠᏆNᏩ . . . . .

ᏞᎾᎪᎠᏆNᏩ ᏟᎾᎷᏢᏞᎬᎢᎬ!

you forgot the last time you had felt this way. perhaps when chishiya had first left you, back before the borderlands at that crepe stand. no further explanation besides the fact that he was gone, and no longer in your life, leaving a deep hole in your chest where he used to be. it had been hard the first time, and now that the emotions were coursing through your body once more, it hurt just as much, maybe even worse.

you didn't even take the time to knock on kuina's door before entering, bones creaking with each step that you struggled to take. luckily she was in her room, laying on the bed and fixing her braids when she saw you. soft brown eyes gazed at you worriedly, widening when tears that you thought had stopped rushed down your cheeks once more.

"kuina.." you whimpered out, reaching your hands up to desperately wipe them away. but they kept coming, and soon enough her hands were gently grasping your wrists, moving them away from your face so she could look at you properly.

"oh sweetheart..what happened?" she whispered, this time being the one to wipe your tears, finger pads warm and gentle against your skin.

"chishiya..i told him and..oh god i messed up so bad." more cries sounded from your throat, with kuina sighing before reaching forward and embracing you in a hug, whispering to quiet you down and rubbing your back in soft circles.

"come on, let's lay down in bed and you can tell me what happened." her voice was quiet in your ear, and you numbly nodded before letting her direct you to the mattress, sitting down and you curled up right beside her, hands shaking against your chest and bottom lip trembling as you rested your head in her lap. once more she began the soft ministrations to help ease your worries, waiting patiently until you calmed down before speaking again, "are you okay?"

by now the tears stopped, and you just stared into space while thinking over the question. but the answer was obvious. you most definitely weren't okay. you had lied to the one person who trusted you, and had driven him away because of it.

"i told him about what happened..and he said to come to you instead." you mumbled out, still remembering his words from before. at the thought your chest begun to hurt even more, so you forced the memory away.

"so he's not in the room?" she asked, cautiously as if stepping over broken glass.

"no he..he left somewhere i don't know." the last words came out rushed, and your heart squeezed tightly in your chest as you realized you didn't know the blonde's whereabouts. who knew what he was doing right now, and what trouble he was causing.

"i'm sure he'll be back soon." kuina reassured, brushing away stray wisps of hair from your forehead.

"do you..do you think he hates me?" your voice wobbled as it spoke, stumbling over the tightrope of words that you were scared to cross over.

she shook her head before realizing you couldn't see and instead spoke her thoughts out loud, "chishiya cares about you a lot. him leaving isn't because he hates you. i think..it's a shock to hear something like that, especially from someone you thought you'd protect from everything. he just needs time to sort out his feelings."

even though the syllables made sense it still didn't help. couldn't he understand that you needed him? even if he wasn't a particularly comforting person he was still the one you wanted. the one you wanted to be there as you cried, "but why..i want him here...with me."

"i think you know better than anyone that he isn't good with feelings. he might be afraid to hurt you any further." she murmured once more.

you stayed silent, not trusting your voice as you could feel her cover your body with a blanket, the fabric soft and airy against your skin and providing what little warmth it could in your hallow heart. the one that ached for the person you knew deep down would need time to handle things properly before being there for you.