Merder: Different Circumstances

Chapter Twelve

Meredith felt as though her breath got stuck in her throat and she went to stand next to Ashley and then turned to face, who she now assumed was, Addison. All of the features of Ashley she struggled to see from Derek, were obviously made up from Addison: hair colour, eye shape and nose.

"Just wanted to come and see how my favourite daughter is doing. And you must be Meredith?" She asked, extending her hand out.

It was clear there was tension between the three of them, but wanting to be the better person and appear as civil, Meredith shook Addison's hand.

"So, how have you been Ashley?" Addison asked, turning her attention back to her daughter.

"No. Mom you don't get to do that. You don't get to make no contact with me for a month and then come out here acting like everything is okay. I don't know why you're here, but I am not coming back to New York, as much as you may try to convince me. I'm happy out here and I have a good life, I have good friends and we have Meredith. Sorry, but we need to go because I have a physics exam tomorrow and I'm not letting you patronise Meredith. Dad has a surgery this evening and then he is coming home, so if you want to talk to us, just try again tomorrow." Ashley told her mother hardly.

Once she finished her rant, she began to walk in the direction of the door, leaving Addison glued to her spot and Meredith chasing her closely behind, unsure if she should have spoken to Addison. The doors to Meredith's car were opened and Ashley's closed with an unusual amount of force, making the two of them jump.

"Sorry."

"No it's okay. Are you okay? You don't have to defend me like that, you know? She's your mother, I don't want you to think I'm making you pick between her and me."

"Meredith, please. You have been more of a Mom these past weeks than she has in a long time. Just please, can we go."

Meredith didn't say anything, but rather just nodded, setting the car into motion and pulling out of the parking lot. The journey home was filled with silence, Meredith knew that Ashley's brain would be running overtime and wanted to give her the opportunity to think before she asked anymore questions.

When they arrived at Meredith's, the front door was opened and Ashley passed through, leaving Meredith alone downstairs as she rushed up to the spare room that had unofficially became her room. After pacing the kitchen for a while, Meredith made a drink for the both of them and hesitated before calling up to let Ashley know there was one waiting for her.

After a minute of silence, Meredith accepted that Ashley wasn't coming down, but once she sat down on the couch and turned the TV on, the sound of a door opening could be heard. Rather than overwhelming her, Meredith remained sat, giving Ashley the opportunity to join her if she wanted to but also the choice to avoid her.

Taking her by surprise, Ashley came and sat down on the same couch as Meredith, picking the remote off the table and turning the TV off. Meredith turned to give her an understanding smile as Ashley sighed.

"I know she's my mother and all, but I just can't help but feel annoyed at her. She was the one who cheated on my Dad, she was the one who caused the divorce. It was inevitable, but she just had to go the one step further. Then when her and Mark started to date, she rarely made time for me, then as soon as I told her that I wanted to come to Seattle with Dad, she tries to rebuild the relationship. I'm glad they got the divorce and we moved, otherwise Dad wouldn't have met you, but I sometimes have this picture in my head of what life would be like if they didn't. You know, family dinners around the table and trips out, or vacations in the sun."

"Ashley, it's okay to feel frustrated with her. I never had a strong relationship with my own mother and I'm going to tell you something even your father doesn't know. My mother died of Alzheimer's two years into my residency. I was never close to her, I lived in between hotels and friends apartments for five years to avoid unpacking any of her belongings. Just because she's your mother doesn't mean you're obligated to have a good relationship with her. If you don't want to spend lots of time with her that's okay."

"Meredith, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't be so ungrateful, I'm sorry you don't have to listen to me bitch about my Mom."

"Stop it, you know I'll listen to whatever you need to talk about."

"Thank you." Ashley breathed, pausing before she continued. "I think it just hurts me, because she picked Mark over me. No matter how many times my Dad tries to tell me otherwise, she picked him over me. She was willing to destroy of mother-daughter relationship for a boyfriend. That's why the night Dad told me he was dating you I called my Aunt Amelia, because I didn't want to lose the relationship with him like I did my mum. I just-"

At some point during the conversation, tears had began to slip down Ashley's cheeks, but Meredith chose not to say anything. That was until they were streaming down her cheeks and she found herself struggling to breathe.

"Hey, hey. It's okay. Just take some deep breaths for me. That's it." Meredith coached, placing a hand on Ashley's back.

It took a couple of minutes, but Meredith managed to get Ashley's breathing back to its regular pace. Meredith subconsciously let out a breath of relief, grateful that she was able to calm the upset girl and that the conversation they had could remain between the two of them.

"I'm okay." Ashley sighed after her cries calmed and she no longer felt as though her chest was collapsing in on her. "I'm okay."

Meredith opted not to reply, but instead pulled Ashley into her arms and held her tightly, wanting to make sure she knew that she was loved and cared for. She thought about how often she said it to Derek, the big 'I love you', and how she had never said it to Ashley. But she did, she did love the teenager who was clutching tightly onto her back with the desperate need to feel loved.

If a year ago, someone had ever suggested to Meredith the idea of dating a man with a teenager daughter, she would have thrown a whole myriad of explicits their way. But at that moment in time, with Ashley in a deep embrace, Meredith couldn't imagine her life being any better.

"Ashley," Meredith said, pulling her back ever so slightly. "I love you, you know that right."