Define

Define: Secrets

11-30-11

Today is the first day I've fully gone back to school since Momma's miscarriage... I really need to find another name for that day.. Maybe I'll call it 'Roddy's Funeral' because it was the day we all cried and mourned for his death... But we never really buried him. Do they bury miscarried babies? What does a dead baby even look like?

Off topic!

Anyways, like I was saying, today is the first day of homeschool since Momma was placed in the hospital. Even though Momma tried to help afterwards that was only for 3 days and we kept leaving early. I guess sitting in an environment full of children isn't the best for a mother who just lost one of her own. I didn't get the chance to go back to school after that-especially with Momma now in the Hospital Rehab. We weren't gonna go today but Maddy kept insisting that we really needed to and that it absolutely had to be today. Why? I don't know- I still don't know as I'm writing in my journal just like everybody else.

I didn't miss a lot in the class, since I'm always ahead, so it didn't take Mrs. Glover a long time to catch me up. Octavius was there but Henry still wasn't back from his Thanksgiving vacation, so honestly I think coming here was a big waste of time.

Mrs. Glover, just like every adult in Camden who knows about Momma, tried to be nicer to me- probably because she thinks I'm a sensitive baby who cries over dumb stuff. I try to tell her I'm OK and there's really no reason for me to be upset anymore but the words won't come out.

I feel OK. So why can't I say OK?

Lately, all this attention everyone's been giving me and my sisters has started to get annoying. People just need to mind their own business and stop sticking their noses where it doesn't belong. Paster Ryle keeps stopping by our house with his wife, Flora, just to pray with us every night. Mrs. Shollips- the town baker- keeps stopping by the house with extra breads she "accidentally" made while thinking about Momma. Then she starts an "accidental" conversation about Momma in the Hospital. Everywhere I turn people just want to bring up Momma, Hospital and dead baby- as if we're a search engine.

The only person who doesn't bring up Momma anymore is Doctor Ferris- which is weird because he's suppose to help me sort out my feelings especially now that I'm in this situation.

Actually, lately, Doctor Ferris seems a bit different. I don't get to see him a lot because he's always in the Hospital checking up on Momma. He postponed all his appointments- including mine- and doesn't answer his personal cell phone number anymore. He seems to isolate himself a lot more now ... It's actually kinda suspicious. But the most suspicious thing he's done was last night.

"Hands" took me to the Hospital last night so we could drop off some flowers to Momma. Laura would have came with us but.. Of course she didn't because she was with PETEY. So it was just me and "Hands" walking to Momma's new room in the Hospital. I heard a lot of yelling around the from Momma's room- one of them I recognized as the doctor who told us that Roddy was dead. And the other voice was ...
Doctor Ferris?

Whatever the two of them were arguing about must have been pretty serious. The doctor kept shouting about morals while Doctor Ferris tried to argue his point. "Hands" said that we should wait until they were done because it's rude to interrupt someone when they are talking.

That's when we heard it. Well, actually I'm pretty sure the entire section of the hospital heard it because it was pretty loud and unexpected. The old Doctor Ferris I knew was quiet and listened to people problems-even though he smelled really bad doing it. Sure, I don't like him because he's annoying and always pokes me with shots and needles trying to get to my brain. But... He was always nice and patient about it.