Define

Remembrance

*POV Switch*

Her name was Julia.

When we were younger, she went by Julie with her friends. Unfortunately, for me, I never did gain that pleasure. I wasn't really close to her- I mean, we talked but most of it was short simple little phrases. You know the kind, a quick little "Hello, how is your day? That's good"  regardless if it actually was or wasn't and then you walk away with no further eye contact. Our relationship was never really anything special, honestly. At that time we met, I wasn't her friend. We started off as strangers. As a matter a fact, I wouldn't call us friends now.. well ... not in a traditional sense. I mean, we're not strangers now but we're ... a bit less than acquaintances. What's so traditional about either of us anyways? Nothing. We've both been stuck in Camden since we were 3- no escape from this small town either.

I got tired of it when I was 16 and now at 39, I can't help but grimace at my own failure. Not the failure in my life, I'm a successful and well known psychiatrist and single bachelor for 29 years, but my failure is in my choices. I've been single for 29 years. That's not really something to brag about. My first and only girlfriend was at age 10 and that was only a cheap and meaningless thing. Watching everyone else walk away with something to treasure- a wife, a girlfriend, even a child- kinda hurts. They take their new lives, leaving their past and starting a new. Sometimes they even forget that I was in their pasts too. That's why I'm pissed off at my myself. I failed. I failed to break the ties from the past and now here I am staring down at Julia in her hospital bed- regretting meeting this beautiful angel.

She's suffering because of me...

She's suffering because I .. I was young and careless...

..I hurt her..

But what exactly have I been doing about it? What have I done to prove to her that I'm sorry for betraying her that night? To prove to her that I'm sorry for getting her pregnant at such a young age and leaving her alone with the baby? It disgusts me just thinking back on that time too. I left her. By herself. 3 months pregnant. In the dead of night, no less. Sleeping next to her in the same bed I swore I could hear the faint heartbeat from her womb.

It was so faint...

So fragile. So innocent. So pure.

Yet so destructive...

I couldn't stand hearing it beating. I couldn't stand the thoughts of my childhood ending so morbidly- A baby? Oh no.. not a baby. I wasn't as young as most men but I was still young. Still young and careless. So what did I do? I left her with nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

I don't even know why I left them... I was scared but I knew I would be a good father. I knew I was financially stable enough to take care of her and the baby.. I had enough room in my house for them to live..

We could have been happy together..

But instead I chose to run

I ran from her and the baby

My baby..

It's not my fault that I couldn't leave, believe me, I've tried and tried so hard. And apparently, so has she. I heard that she tried, too. I've heard about the many fights she had with her parents and how she tried to run away, too. But the Sheriff caught her... just like he caught me the year before.