Define

Define: Stars

12-15-11

Dear Diary,

Still hiding under the tarp with my only light source the stars in the sky.
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After telling Mr... I mean, Uncle Niall about the "secret", we started to talk even more. At first, of course, he didn't believe me so I had to spend a little time explaining the possibilities.

He still doesn't believe me. That's why I came up with the bestest idea ever!

What if he took me to see my real Daddy?

When I told him, as soon as I thought of it, he said "No." Again. Of course.

I'd swear that Uncle Niall has no form of romantic bone in his body- I honestly don't understand how Mrs- Aunt Sarah could deal with him all these years. Poor lady.

Never the less, I won't be stopped by some old fart from meeting my real Daddy...

The only real obstacle between us would be ... Ireland itself. The distance from Augusta, Maine and Dublin, Ireland is roughly 2,865 miles. If we were to actually fly on an airplane, it would actually take about 5 hours and 44 minutes to get there. I only know this because that's what Uncle Niall kept muttering after he found me hiding in his dingy the day that he and Owen were planning to leave me alone at the Lighthouse. I'm glad I hid under that tarp again cause Uncle Niall sure doesn't like me that much (He kept bad mouthing about me to Owen-who didn't even make a sound as usual). While they rode the dingy off for their journey, I started betting on how long I could last under the tarp before I started getting bored.

I think it was 32 minutes later that I started to feel my right leg cramping on me. I thought I could ignore it but it started throbbing and it hurt really badly. Of course, I should have probably remembered that if you stay in a position for too long then you'll cramp up and shrivel away. So, I decided to wait it out and see if it would pass.

15 minutes later, my leg was tingling up to my thigh and knocked out like Mr. Mortimer when his wife, Ethel, slapped him upside the head with a beer bottle. The Mortimer's were Knox-County's "I Love Lucy" sitcom family. Mr. Gene Mortimer was always a sharp cat in all the ladies eyes- even now at age 73. Mrs. Ethel Trite-Mortimer was always a naïve broad who also wasn't a sore sight to see. She's almost 71 and so her beauty has kinda melted away... I guess that's what Mr. Mortimer thought too because he left Mrs. Ethel for another woman...

A "younger" woman.

A 46 year old, Ms. Vera Craig, the Head Librarian in the Knox County Library and widowed wife.

Mr. Mortimer left his wife, 2 kids and 6 grandchildren for a 46 year-old and her 4 kids. That's why Mrs. Ethel slapped him with a beer bottle on day when she found him at a bar with his new fiancé, Ms, Vera. It was kinda a funny joke around Knox County for a few weeks. Every time a married couple would have a fight, we'd say they're suffering from "Mortimer Madness". It was a funny joke until Mrs. Ethel threatened to sue the entire town for the joke. We all knew she couldn't do it but the Mayor wasn't gonna take that chance and decided it was best to shut the joke down- and by "shut down" they really just mean that they were gonna fine you only $25 every time the joke was mentioned.
It took a few months until the joke was actually "shut down" because a lot of married couples fight everyday but then the joke started getting old anyways and we all moved on with our lives. Mr.Mortimer and his now second ex-wife, Ms.Vera, moved out of Camden and way across the world. They moved to Toronto and got divorced in British Columbia: Why? Because Mr.Mortimer cheated on her with a 36 year old Canadian woman..