mistakes, i can't help it | jinlia

Chapter 7: Potholes

Ryujin wants to love Lia— Ryujin want to tell her that, but that'll make Lia feel worse and she doesn't want that, so it's left unspoken.

Ryujin wants to love someone who doesn't dig pretty fingers into Ryujin's open wounds and doesn't pry Ryujin's pliant heart open with sweet nothings that mean nothing. That's Lia to her, and she wishes that she can fall in love with her again.

(But Ryujin's in love with Yeji.

And life is full of potholes.)

Everyone is still gathered, playing Truth or Dare at Heejin's place. Ryujin had just finished her dare of kissing Yeji, everyone around them cheered except for Lia.

Yeji still sits on her lap, so she tightens her grip on Yeji's shirt, and she sees her eyebrow raising and her brown eyes twinkle in confusion. Selfishly, she mentally apologizes to Lia,  and pulls Yeji close. She kisses Yeji again, but doesn't manage to wipe the smug smile off her lips. Another round of cheering went on, excluding Lia again.

(Ryujin just seemed to have stepped into more than one pothole.)

~

Ryujin finds herself in the kitchen. She wordlessly wanders, using her want for a glass of water as an excuse.

(No one wonders why Ryujin wants water instead of soda. She hates water.)

"I'm surprised."

Ryujin looks up from her glass of water on the kitchen counter to see Lia walking in, holding her own empty glass. Ryujin waits for Lia to continue, sipping her water as Lia grabs the bottle.

As Lia pours, she finally says, "You hate drinking water."

She's not shocked– of all the people in the room, Lia would notice. There's laughter from the living room, and she hears Yeji's distinctive voice before Ryujin asks, "Are you alright?"

Lia chuckles, hopping to sit on the kitchen counter, "I should be asking you that."

Ryujin turns, leaning against the opposite kitchen counter and looking up at Lia. There's a lopsided smile on her face as she says, "Yeah, I'm good. You?"

Lia shrugs, barely giving any distinctive answer for Ryujin to comprehend, and she hums, swinging her legs, "You could've said no if you didn't want to do it, you know?"

"I know," Ryujin answers with a chuckle— it's a self-depreciating one, raspy and mocking, "But I wanted to."

There's more yelling, and there's a pause in their conversation as Lia nods, taking a gulp of her drink. Ryujin watches as Lia sets the cup down next to her.

"I understand," Lia says, giving Ryujin a small smile. The latter's jaw clenches as the guilt seeps in slowly, and she takes a drink to try to wash it away. Lia's eyes are casted downwards, hands gripping at the edge of the counter, "I would've done the same."

Ryujin's eyes raise from her cup, "With Yeji?"

"No, you idiot," Lia laughs– it's her amused one– and she shakes her head, her tone becoming softer, gentler, "If it were you."

Ryujin hums in acknowledgement, feels the guilt seeping in again, and her head drops. There's laughter again, and she hears Yeji yelling in protest, Heejin yelling a reply. She stares at Lia's feet and sees light pink nail polish– Yeji's choice and application while Lia was doing her work– and feels herself gripping at the edge of the counter. Lia crosses her feet, and Ryujin wonders if Lia knows the guilt Ryujin feels. Maybe she's even doing it on purpose.