New Beginnings | Shawn Mendes

Chapter Fourteen

"Brian, I can't do this." You stutter, choking slightly on the words rolling from your tongue. "I'm literally drooling over her boyfriend. I'm such a horrible person." Brian had shown up minutes after your desperate call and he only needed to take one look at you, to know that something was wrong. 

"You are not. You haven't done anything and you won't do anything to get between them." Brian tells you with a serious state. "She didn't tell Shawn she was coming?" He asks and all you manage to do is shake your head while you struggle to breathe. 

The ache spreads in your chest and the heat raises in your cheeks from the embarrassment you're feeling at the moment. Why are you the kind of person to feel as much as you're always feeling? You don't like being delicate and vulnerable, but somehow that's how it always ends up. 

"Okay, you need to breathe for a moment." Brian says and you can tell he's getting somewhat concerned with how you're beginning to hyperventilate. 

Brian places his hand on your shoulder and gives you a small embrace and you feel the tension in your body ease slightly. 

"If you don't want to do this, you can just say no." 

"You know I can't..." You fire back, shrugging your shoulders in defeat. 

You don't have an excuse to leave and you cannot tell Shawn why you are suddenly acting strange. He will start asking questions and you don't need that right now. Brian nods at your words as he continues to give you small squeezes to calm your nerves. 

"Okay, I'll come along. And we'll get through the dinner without Shawn getting suspicious." Brian promises and sends you a warm smile. "It'll be fine." 

"Fine, okay." You sigh and your eyes darts to the couple next to you. 

"Come on, let's get it over with." Brian jokes to brighten your mood. He puts his arm around your shoulder and guides you towards Shawn and Camila. 

You watch as she tugs her fingers into Shawn's curls and you feel the yank that shoots through your body by the sight. You become tense, your body freezes and you're afraid either of them will notice that you seem to be acting weird. 

Brian quickly notice the change in your body-language and allow his hand to slide to your lower back. He strokes you a little and you feel comforted by him. 

You're lucky really. To have a friend like Brian who shows up when you need him, no matter what and without asking any questions. And then you remember, that he went through something similar and you feel better knowing what you are dealing with. 

"Alright guys." Brian says with a smile as he nods at Camila. "We're ready to leave." You fake a smile as Shawn reaches for Camila's hand as the four of the leaves the crowded lobby.

*******

"You want to taste?" Shawn asks Camila and she nods in response. She leans forward and carefully Shawn outs the fork in her mouth. You cannot get out how pretty she looks even when she's eating greasy pasta and cheese. 

You haven't really touched your food, mostly you poke it around the fork to keep yourself occupied from looking towards Shawn and Camila across the table. You don't say much during dinner, you nod politely when Brian tries to get you into the conversation but then your eyes darts back to your plate.

You hate how much control Shawn has over your feelings without even knowing it. It makes you sick how Shawn looks at her, smiles at her, offers her his food and you have absolutely no reason for it. 

You're just sensitive. Your father used to say as well that you love harder than most people and you have to be careful not letting your emotions get the better of you. But right now, you aren't doing such a great job. 

"I'm going to the restroom real quick." Brian says as he wipes the pasta sause from his mouth. 

"Me too." Camilla says and gets up as well. "Lead the way." 

You watch as they leave the table in search of the bathroom and you feel your throat tighten being left with Shawn alone. Your palms feel sweaty and you're not able to prevent your food from tripping underneath the table. You do your best to avoid all sorts of eye contact with Shawn, pushing around the pasta on your full plate. 

"Hey you," Shawn begins and your stomach drops within seconds. Shawn leans forward to give your shoulder a squeeze and you cannot help but meet his stare. "What's wrong with you tonight?" 

You feel the tears pressing and you're desperate to not out yourself at any moment. And on the other hand, you want to confess. Pour your heart out to him, tell him you're completely and utterly crazy about him but you cannot get yourself to do so. You don't want to wreck his relationship, that isn't fair and you don't want to lose him as a friend. 

"Nothing." You whisper and shrug your shoulders. 

"Come on, like I'd ever believe that." Shawn hurries to say and raises his eyebrow. "What's going on?" 

As Shawn stares at you, you cannot hold back your tears much longer and you know they are beginning to appear in the corner of your eyes. You don't know what pushes you over the edge but you can't take it anymore and therefore, you stand from your seat. 

"I'm sorry." You stutter as tears begin to slide. "I have to go. I need to leave." 

You hear Shawn yell your name as you head towards the exist, but you don't have the strength to look back at him. You feel the heavy pounding in your heart as you rush back to the hotel. 

You feel like a complete loser and you can't even think about how you're going to explain this tomorrow. You run up the stairs and make it back to your room in a hurry. You the ultimate cliché and it makes you feel somewhat humiliated. 

You undress yourself from your clothes, throw a t-shirt over your head and hop into the bed, cuddling into the duvet while tears continue to fall from your sore eyes. You're an absolute idiot. 

You hear knocks on the door and you do your best to ignore them until you finally accept that whoever keeps banging your door, isn't going to leave you alone. You wipe tears away as you head the open the door. 

A/N: Are you liking the story? Please give some feedback on whether or not I should continue.