Another life

29

Ryan's pov

I sat on my bed as I stared at the wall. Today was her funeral. The door opened as I slowly looked to see Ricky looking at me sadly.

" it's time to go Ryan" he spoke softly as I shook my head as tears welded up in my eyes making my vision blurry.

" if I go then it means she's actually gone. I can't go. She can't be gone. I can't live without her" I cried as he quickly pulled me into a hug as I cried onto his shoulder. He sat there for a couple minutes just letting me cry knowing that I was in so much pain. The word pain doesn't justify how I felt. I wish the I could switch positions with her. I rather be in the sky and her being down here still alive. There was a slight knock on the door as I slowly looked over to see vinny. He noticed the tears streaming uncontrollably down my face as walked over and pulled me into a hug.

" it's gonna be ok Ryan. We are all here. Just take it one step a time. Minute by minute. " he said softly as I nodded slightly. I stood as they walked me to the car. I sat in the back as I sighed looking out the window. I'm still angry at the system for letting that piece of shit out early cause it was just a rape charge against him and nobody takes rape seriously. Yet there he was as he raped and killed my wife. He'll only get put away for a long while cause he killed her. I was pulled out of my thoughts to Ricky slightly shaking me.

" Ryan. We are here" he said as I nodded. They helped me out of the car as I looked at the church where her funeral was being held at. I went to take a step but it felt like my feet were cemented to the ground. Ricky looked at me as I let out a small cry looking down at the ground letting my knees give out as I fell onto the ground. Ricky and vinny quickly knelt down to make sure I was ok. I laid there crying for a couple minutes. I saw Chris walk up with Justin as they looked at me. The pain was in their faces but they were trying to push it down to be there for me. Chris helped me stand as I took a deep breath and walked towards the building. I looked to see tons of people I was assuming were fans standing around watching. I put my head down and just walked in to the building. Chris went to guide me to the seat. I looked up to see the casket open as my body stopped seeing her face. Justin frowned sadly as he sighed. I slowly walked up to the casket as I took in every feature, memorizing her face. She looked so beautiful and peaceful. Just looked like she was sleeping. I felt an arm as I turned to see Ricky as he looked at her with a slight smiled.

" she's beautiful " I said as he nodded. He walked me to my seat as everything begun.

-

They had me go up to speak about her. I walked up behind the podium as I cleared my throat and wiped my face.

" Olivia was my wife to those who don't know. We were married for 6 years and the last 8 years have been amazing with her in my life. She was just incredible and was so loving. She was so talented in so many things it was crazy but she was so happy doing all of it and that all I ever wanted with her. Happiness. " I spoke my voice slightly cracking. I felt a tear all onto my cheek as I continued

" I'm distraught that i lost her in this way. A brutal and horrible death that she did not deserve. She was only 29 years old. I'm mad at the justice system for not taking rape seriously and letting the sick bastards out after a year because they are clogging the prisons. This issue needs to be resolved so no one else has to lose a loved one like how I did. The only thing that keeps me going is thinking of her finally being with our baby that we lost a couple years ago. She would've been an incredible mother and now she can be. I love you Olivia. I will never stop loving you. I'm eternally yours" I said as I walked back to my seat. Ricky pulled me into a hug as I cried into his chest for the rest of the time.

-

I set a flower on her casket as they begun to lower it into the ground. Once they were finished they let us know everything was done and we could go home. We nodded as I walked to the car as Ricky drove me home. I walked into my empty house as sighed. I walked up to my room and plopped onto the bed and picked up one of her old performing shirts as I held it to me and I cried for a couple hours. My phone went off as I looked at it to see I was tagged in a photo. I opened it to see someone had taken a couple pictures of me when I was crying on the ground in front of the church. I scoffed as they thought it was appropriate to take photos of me when I was at my lowest point and in agony.

Could you please delete these photos. This is unnecessary and I feel very violated that you took photos of me I did not want to be taken. I'm grieving and I don't appreciate that being plastered for everyone to see.

I hit sent as the person quickly replied as everyone said I was overreacting and it's just a silly photo. I rolled my eyes as I turned my phone off. Apparently I can't grieve in peace. My phone rang as I answered it

" don't worry about the photo Ryan. We are gonna deal with that. Are you ok to be alone or do you need me to stay the night?" I heard Ricky ask as I sighed.

" it's too quiet and I'm afraid to be alone. I have thoughts and I just need someone to be here with me" I said honestly

" of course Ryan. I'll be over in 10" he said as we said goodbye. There was soon a knock on my door as I got up and let Ricky in. He set his stuff aside and hugged me. He looked at me as he broke. He's been trying to hold it in but he couldn't anymore. She was super close to Ricky so I know he lost apart of himself as well. I hugged him tightly as we stood there for a couple minutes. We walked over as sat on the couch as we sighed.

" what do you wanna do?" He asked as I sighed and shrugged.

" I kinda just wanna talk if that's ok?" He nodded as we started talking about all the good memories of Olivia. We laughed a bit and just tried to be as happy as we could be. I lost apart of myself that day and I don't think I'll ever get it back.