My Unhappy Beginning

If Only.

I could feel my brothers whole body trembling with worry as we walk towards our old wooden cracked door. Its always like this every single day. We stand infront of our small house for hours debating if we should go inside and deal with our cold hearted father, or run away and hope for the best. If Sam and I were late getting home; even just a few minutes, we would get beaten. I can just feel it now. The blood pouring from my sore mouth. The scrapes stinning from the razor sharp knife. And just the major weakness and agony from my body. You'd never think that in your entire life you would get beaten from your own father; who should be loving you and supporting you with all his heart and soul. Oh if only my mom were still around, if only she never died from that car accident. Things would have been a whole lot different.

I let out a huge sigh and slowly start to turn the door knob. I could hear Sam gulping with fright; hoping for the best.  

I opened the door slowly, as it creaks very loudly causing my heart to start beating twice as fast. My brother and I walk in with our palms sweaty and our hearts beating rapidly. I look around in our living room. Not very sleek in my opinion. All there is is a couch with several holes in them, a coffee table that's ready to collapse at any second, and lastly our old tv that hasn't been working for years. Our carpet is covered with rotten stains from throughout the years. This is one of the reasons why I never invite people over.... even though there's no one to invite over (except for Liam) cause y'know I have no friends. Its weird though because I may not have all the brand name clothing, and the richest family in the whole wide world. But yet, I'm still like everybody else. I'm human. We're all human. We may be different on the outside, but were all the same on the inside. It's sad how this society has become so far. I just wish everyone would be more friendly and not be so judgmental. All I can say is I'm so grateful to have a truly, amazing, one and only friend like Liam. Without him, I probably wouldn't even be here breathing right now.

As I'm looking around for my dad, Sam tugs at my sweater. 

"Is daddy home?" Sam asked worriedly  

"I don't know. It doesn't seem like it."  

I hide my left hand in my oversized sleeves and crossed my fingers. Praying that my dad wasn't home.

I go over to the kitchen to make myself something, considering the only thing I had all day was a piece of toast with a glass of milk. I open the fridge to see only a couple of bread slices, onions, and a jar of pickles. I could feel my eyes stinning with tears ready to pour down my pale face. How could my dad not be able to buy us food? The fridge is as bare and lonely as an old mansion waiting for someone old and rich to buy it, and keep it alive.  

"I'm hungry" Sam moans 

I turn to look at Sam and he looks right up at me with sadness in his eyes. It's sad to think we can't even afford to keep food in the house. Where is our money being used?  

I look up and I see my dad standing by the door with a case of beers in his arms. His eyes were filled with fury. I stand there motionless, not knowing what to do or say. He walks over to us slowly, as Sam and I hug each other in fright. We are deathly scared. What is he going to do? What is he going to say? All I want to know is, how is he spending our money.

"What the hell are you kids doing? You two are supposed to be in your rooms!" He yelled

I could hear my brother starting to cry. My body starts to tense up with anger. 

I stood up. "Where's our food?"  

"Now that is none of your business young lady! And if I were you I would keep your little tra- 

"WHERE THE FUCK IS OUR MONEY GOING DAD?! WE ARE HUNGRY, THERE IS NO FOOD AND YOUR TELLING ME THAT IS NONE OF OUR BUISNESS?" I screamed with furious ness  

My dad drops the case of beer and pushes me against the wall hard. My brother screams in terror as my dad starts to choke me. 

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" "YOU LITTLE GOOD FOR NOTHING PIECE OF SHIT!" He slams me against the wall again making me shriek in pain.  

I struggle to breathe as I'm staring into his angry eyes. I look over to my brother, he is on the ground having a major breakdown. His cries haunt me. They make me sad and frustrated. I feel like I have failed as an older sister, to protect my little brother. I am such a fool to yell at my dad. None of this would have happened if I kept my mouth shut. I start to cry even more. For now, I just want the pain to stop. I want to be able to breathe again.

"P-.. Please" I whispered. 

My dad looks at me and starts to loosen his grip. He lets go, causing me to collapse. My brother runs over to me and starts to cry even more. 

He looks at our dad, "what is wrong with you?!" He shrieks in sadness. "I thought you loved us.." He starts to bawl more. Our dad just looks at us in pure disgust and walks away while taking his beers with him. I then realized that all the money he is spending is going towards his alcohol. My dad is an alcoholic and my bloody eyes haven't even noticed.