for the holidays | rini au

twenty five

"hi, you wanted to talk?" she asks as soon as he opens the door, already knowing it was the conversation she's been putting off for months.

"yeah, uh, i feel like there's a few things we need to clarify before we continue..." he motions between both of them, "this."

"oh ok, what is it?"

"what happened that night nini?" he questions, figuring it'd be easier to just get straight to the point.

"what night?" she plays dumb, however they both know that she knows exactly what he's talking about.

"i told you i loved you," she freezes at his comment and he pauses, "and you ran away, then ignored me. i've been trying to figure out where i went wrong but nothing ever seems to lead me to the right answer."

she looks at him with a puzzled expression, "i was scared so i ran. it was my fault we lost touch. i- i just figured it'd be easier to act like i hate you so i told myself i was mad at you for blaming me for everything because at the time i thought that made the most sense. i didn't know what else to do and it was stupid and-"

"act? nini you ignored me for four years! and i blamed you because it was your fault. you were the one who ran away, you were the one who ignored me, you were the one who told me to not reach out. i know i moved too quick and scared you, but you wouldn't let me talk to you. we could've figured it out with a mature conversation, but you chose to run," he accuses, nini staring at him with a blank expression.

"i just- i didn't want to lose you."

"well you did, nini," ricky replies, "and acting like you hated me wasn't the right thing to do. if you didn't want to lose me you should've just told me the truth. you should've told me that you didn't feel the same way."

he stood up to walk her to the door to let her out, turning around to see if she had anything else to say. when she didn't move, he began walking again.

"i loved you!" she shouted after him, tears forming in her eyes as he stops in his tracks, "i thought losing you because i couldn't say it back would be easier than losing you after a breakup. you think i didn't realize the mistake i made when i ignored you and pretended to hate you? it's dumb, but i- i just figured we'd find our way back to each other."

"you're right, it was dumb," he replies with a glare, ignoring the statement which followed.

"i cared about us! i was doing what i thought was right because i didn't want to ruin anything! i thought you'd understand, but then i was stupid and ignored you. you were right to blame me, it was my fault, and i'm sorry. i'm sorry i ruined everything. i wish i could make it up to you but i truly don't know how," she replies, with a sorrowful voice, a few tears spilling over.

"if you actually cared about us you would have reached out. thank you for apologizing but i cant accept it right now. i told you the truth and you ran, that's on you."

"you were the one who told me you loved me ricky, i wasn't ready to say it back, i-"

"because i did! and you just told me you did too. i'm sick of repeating myself nini. you ran away, you ended our friendship, you ignored me and decided to hate me. this conversations over. please leave," he walks to the door of his apartment and opens it. nini left without another word, ricky watching her go with a longing stare.

nini tries to keep her composure as she walks back to her apartment. tears threatened to spill over the entirety of her journey, however she was able to keep them in.

once she arrived back in her apartment, she haphazardly threw her keys on her island and walked into her bedroom. she collapsed onto her bed and immediately let out a broken sob, letting out all of the built up emotions she's been holding in since their reunion during christmas.

she didn't understand how everything had fallen apart so fast. she truly thought her and ricky were in a decent place, friends even. they were back to their normal banter they had once maintained in high school, and were beginning to actually enjoy being in the other's presence.

this talk was necessary, especially because they jumped back into interacting without clarifying what had happened, however she can't help but think that there may have been a better way to go about it. she had gone over the several different ways it could end due to the anxiety caused by the impending conversation, however the actual ending was nowhere close to any of her predictions. she knows she has to make it up to him, she can't bear the idea that things between them will never be resolved.

suddenly, she recalls a fight they had in high school, a silly argument which was blown out of proportion. in attempts to resolve it, she wrote him a letter. she put all of her thoughts and apologies into one letter and left it on his doorstep.

two days later, she received a text from him, they went out for ice cream, and everything was solved. she laughs at herself, this is not some silly high school argument that can be solved by ice cream and a letter.

after a few moments of overthinking, she decides that despite her doubts, it's a worth a try.