10 ⋆ 𝑰𝑻'𝑺 𝑨𝑳𝑾𝑨𝒀𝑺 𝑩𝑬𝑬𝑵 𝒀𝑶𝑼

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𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐄

my apartment is quiet and still, my music being the only thing i hear throughout the walls. i decide to take a shower to calm my nerves as i usually can let myself relax better in the shower. the warm water soothes me.

just as i go to the bathroom to start it, my phone buzzes, and i pick it up.

"hello?"

my sister's voice echoes into my ear from the other line. "timmy i've been thinking."

"pauline i swear please stop bugging me about this. she hates me and she doesn't want to see me. why push it and make it worse."

"you and i both know she loves you. she's working today, she told me because we were.... planning something. anyways, you need to go in and see her."

"i don't know pauline that seems invasive."

"the more you're without her, the more miserable you become. i'm worried about the both of you. you're soulmates."

"i'll talk to you later, pauline."

"wait- timmy. i need to talk to you."

"about?"

"i want to know how you're doing. i'm scared. mom and i both are."

"pauline, i'm fine. i've been like this for years, i'll be okay."

"but tim-"

"i need to take a shower. i'll talk to you later." i say and hang up the phone, feeling even worse than before.

my cut off was abrupt but i really didn't need her talking in my ear anymore than she has. i just need to get my mind off of her.

i turn the knob as i go in my room and search for sweats and a t-shirt, and head back into the bathroom, chills coating my body as my bare feet walk over the tile. i place my clothes for the day neatly folded onto the cold marble countertops as the water begins to turn the small bathroom steamy.

i hop in, letting the warm water trickle from my long hair to my back, warming me up and yet, relaxing me.

my playlist then finds the next song, starting a song from shawn mendes' most recently released album. i begin to hum to it as i shampoo my hair, listening to his voice and letting the words soothe me.

"it's always been you, it's always been you." echoes off of my bathroom tile and i freeze. this song always makes me think of her, she loved shawn.

she used to go on for days about how his voice was the most calming one she'd ever heard, besides mine, of course. she loved it when i sang.

god, it's always been her. every second thought, every word i've spoken. i know it's her i don't even need to skip a beat.

"and you've seen all my darkest fears
like you've known me for a thousand years"

i told her everything. and i know she remembers. and i know she still loves me. but that doesn't mean she's willing to forgive what horrible things i did to her.

"i swear that you've been sent to save me
you're the only one my heart keeps coming back to"

my heart stops and i know now what i have to do.

pauline was right. i have to see her.

i need to see her because i quite simply can't live without her.

i finish washing my body after conditioning my hair and almost fall out of my shower from my panic and sudden urgency to rush. i know exactly what i'm going to do.

𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐃; t.chalamet Where stories live. Discover now