Just Write || 2021 Edition

01/03/21

Fear: What scares you a little? What do you feel when scared? How do you react?

Needles: every thought in my mind, every nerve ending in my body, and every emotion in my bones on the crooked tip of the sharp needle. At the sight my mind can conjure every reason to be afraid and uncomfortable, my heart racing faster than it ever has-the last thing I want my heart to beat fast for.

More recently my social anxiety has become more prominent (at work); I realized that I had thought it would help to talk to people and increase social action, but it just makes me more nervous thinking about it and I overthink the interaction and continuously judge myself based on those interactions-that can't be healthy, yet I feel like everyone is telling me it is, even though no one talks to me because I don't talk to them, but I don't know how to change that and I don't want to change myself. I feel like this social fear has even turned into a fear of being made fun of and/or talked about (badly), it has definitely turned into a paranoia, and I'm scared, and I'm in my head more often than I'm not. Also, I realize that I care a lot more about what people think about me, I feel like I was a lot better about not caring in school, but I guess I have two social situations to handle now (that's how it feels at least) on top of the two families I have to juggle and please.

☆☆☆
a/n
I am publishing this on the 7th of January, and rereading this makes me nervous for myself... I can only imagine what was going through my head while I wrote this... except this was basically what was in my mind--it's a scary place.

🎶Ne me laisse pas-Vitaa, Slimane🎶 ugh I love this song... désolé... j'adore cette chanson!