There Is No Coincidences in Life

Mixed Feeling

I always know that we will always face separation in this life. I know it when I lose Giant last year. But, I didn't expect that a separation with p'Tom will come very soon. At least that's what I feel everytime I see him adoring that woman.

I know that it's impossible for us to always be together, especially when both of us have our own life and interest. I know about it and even preparing for it bit by bit. Unfortunately, when the real thing happens, I can't help but feel helpless.

"Nong ...."

"Nong, can you hear me?"

P'Pun's gentle voice pull me out from my misery. When I raise my head, she look confused and worried. Cz of her pale skin, I can see the little frown that appear between her thin eyebrows clearly.  

"Krub, P'. Do you need my help?"

She shake her head. "No, Nong. But, you look a bit troubled. Are you okay?"

"Am I? I am fine though." I smile with V-shaped finger under my chin. "I am not troubled."

P'Pun sighed. "You know, Nong. Usually, you might be good at hiding your feelings, but not this time. I can see it from your face."

I look into her eyes deeply. Indeed, all this time she is not just my senior who teach me many things about modelling and acting. We have been working together many times. All those moments made us draw closer, like a true sibling. Deep down, I even see her as my older sister. No wonder she knew when I feel troubled.

"I won't give you a hard time because of this, but this time you have to hide it. I am afraid it's too clear and can be seen by the media. We still have a long way to go for this press conference. There are many interviews waiting. I hope you can take your time to be your usual self."

"I know, P'. Thanks for your advice."

"Then, if you really need someone to share your problem, I am all ears."

Her words may not decrease the weight on my chest, but it help a lot. So, I laugh.

"Krub. Thank you, P'."

"Uhm. Then, prepare yourself. It's almost time for us to go on stage."

I nod my head once then sigh, trying to be 'the usual Jimmy' that everyone knows.

The press conference for the new series take quite a long time since we have interview session and fans meeting. But, I am getting used to it and barely succeed being 'the usual Jimmy'.

The project this time are quite big. We have many professional actors, actresses, and staff so I am really happy to get this opportunity.

This time, I take the role of a younger brother and become P'Pun's sibling. I don't have a sister, so this role really challenging to me. Fortunately, I already know P'Pun for a long time and she is the type of person that can make me feel comfortable when we work together.

It takes almost half a day for us to complete the activities. It make me feel really tired, but fortunately, those activities can distract me from my mixed feeling.

***

With a heart full of happiness, I am walking a bit rushed, can't wait to see P'Tom.

Yes, I am meeting him now and can't help to feel happy.

Three days ago, P'Tom have a solo concert in Bangkok, while my schedule packed. I am not in Bangkok that time so I can't do anything except sending him a bouquet of flowers instead of myself. To be honest, I really wanna go to support him in his first solo concert directly. But, my work didn't allow me to do reschedule for his sake.

"P'!" I shout loudly, then walk faster---half running---when I see him. I don't even care when a lot of people shift their gaze on me, maybe because of my loud voice. "I really miss you!"

Smiling sweetly, P'Tom open up his arms, preparing for a big hug from me that about to come.

"I miss you too." He said it while stroking my back.

I hug him tight, trying to make up for all the hug that we miss when we were apart. I knew I didn't see him just for a few days, but I can't help missing him this much.

"Come on, let's eat. Believe me, it feels like forever since we last eat here."

He bring me to a table close to the window, asking what I want for today's dinner. We picked the food together then chatting about a lot of thing that happen for the last few days. But still, our main topic was P'Tom solo concert three days ago.

He said he was nervous because it was his first solo concert. I know he must be nervous, but I believe he will make it. And I am right. He always try so hard for himself and his fans. So I am really happy when I know that there were many people came for his concert.

"P's voice is extraordinary, so it is not weird if many people come to your concert."

" ... "

"Well, I am glad P's first solo concert really went well." Spreading my arms, I pull P'Tom in a warm hug, again. "It is good cz P' did't get too nervous like usual."

"Uhm."

"Errr, looks like I come in a wrong time."

Suddenly, I can hear a woman's voice from my back, a familiar one.

"No, P'. We're just too happy to see each other." Giggling, P'Tom freed himself from my hug.

"Jimmy, do you remember P'New?"

Trying to hide the confusion from my face, I nod slowly then shifting my eyes to a woman that already sit next to P'Tom.

"I want to introduce her to you."

Without hesitation, P'Tom small hand reaching the woman's hand, makes me feel ... I don't know what I feel except the fact that this feeling is so complicated.

What is this? Is P'Tom trying to introduce her to me as his lover?

Again, I can feel a sting in my heart. But not like last time, it even worse now. The sting gradually become more and more painful.

I greet P'New with my hands.

"P', did you forgot? You already introduce her to me."

Just by looking, I know his intention. But somehow it's hard for me to accept this. I don't want to recognize her. So, I pretend that I didn't know.

Many months have passed after that day, my second encounter with P'New. After that day, P'Tom never mention about that woman, so I think he already forgotten about his old love. But, the reality hits different, forcing me to accept something that I don't want to accept.

"Nope, I remember. That time I introduce her as a co-worker. But this time ...," P'Tom shift his gentle gaze to that woman, smiling softly, "it's different."

I know this time will come. But, I never knew that it will be this painful. Unfortunately, this is not a dream.

"You got together?" Before P'Tom continue his sentence---which I am pretty sure whatever comes from his mouth it will hurt me---I cut it, trying to be free from this awkward feeling as soon as possible.

"Uhm." Tightly grasping P'New's left hand, P'Tom smiling shyly. His flushed face make me feel even worse.

"I am sorry, P'. I barely remember that I have an important meeting with P'Kla. I am going."

After greeting the two of them, I walk faster and faster, counting on my long legs to make more and more distance from the two of them.

I don't care with a lie that come from my mouth just now. What comes to my mind right now is such a ridiculous thing,

"If only I can teleport to my condo right now, maybe my feeling won't be as bad as this."